The Genius, The Special Agent & The CIA
by AlessaBelle
Summary: Spencer's been having a hard time; eight months after he was kidnapped by Hankel and only a month after Gideon left he's struggling to stay clean. Now his struggle has gotten even harder as his past comes back to haunt him. The past he has been trying to forget since joining the BAU five years ago. It has fallen into his hands, and there's no running away this time.
1. Chapter 1 - The Case File

Chapter 1!

 _This was a prompt from Annajadekin. Thank you so much for the prompt. I'm excited to write this story for you. I hope you like the first chapter!_

On October 9th of 1981 a baby boy by the name of Spencer was born to Diana and William Reid. He seemed like a regular boy, but it didn't take long for everyone to notice how special he really was.

When he was eight years old he was transferred out of grade three to grade nine. He had an IQ of 187, an eidetic memory and was an autodidact, he could also read two thousand words a minute. He was, in every sense of the word, a genius. He graduated from high school in 1994 at the age of twelve years old. After all the bullying he had endured he couldn't wait to leave. His Father had already left by that point, leaving him with Diana who was a paranoid schizophrenic.

These were all facts that everybody at the BAU knew. Spencer was a special agent there, had been since he was twenty one years old. Five years had passed since he begun and he couldn't imagine leaving. He loved his job and he loved his team. They were liked family to him and he couldn't imagine his life without them, or the BAU.

It had been a month since Gideon had left and nine months since he had been kidnapped by Tobias Hankel. Nobody knew or at least that's what Spencer believed, but after Hankel he had developed a drug addiction to the drug that Hankel had forcibly given him. He had gotten himself clean with help from Gideon five months ago, but now that Gideon was gone he was struggling to stay clean. His struggle was about to get a lot harder.

Spencer was sitting at his desk working through paperwork when JJ came up to him.

"Hey Spence, we've got a new case," she said with a smile.

Spencer looked up, "I'll be right up."

JJ headed to the conference room as Spencer packed up his bag and followed after her.

Spencer cared about JJ a lot. For his twenty fourth birthday Gideon had gotten him tickets to a Redskins game in the VIP box. He had then insisted that Spencer take JJ, and he had. It had been one of the best days of his life, but nothing came out of it. Spencer has always wished something had though. JJ was a beautiful woman with blonde hair and bright blue eyes. She was twenty nine years old, only three years older then him. Little did Spencer know, JJ had a boyfriend that she was keeping from the team.

This didn't matter at the moment though because when there was a case Spencer dedicated himself fully. So, when the whole team was in the conference room all he cared about was the case file that had fallen into his hands.

"Alright so, a woman by the name of Ashley Michaels was murdered. She was an undercover CIA agent-" Jennifer had started, putting the woman's photo on the screen.

"Why are we taking care of this case then?" Derek asked, finding it strange how the CIA wasn't involved in this.

"I'm not sure, they sent it to us. They requested that our team specifically took this case," she answered, "the crazy thing here is, she was only sixteen years old. She was a genius, just like Spence. It's believed that she may have been targeted because of these facts. This is what the unsub did to her."

Spencer looked up at the photos and his stomach twisted, his heartbeat sped up. He understood why the CIA wanted his team to investigate this case, why they had specifically requested them. It wasn't the team that they really wanted but Spencer because he knew this case. He knew this unsub, all too well.

In one moment, Spencer felt like his whole life had been turned upside down. His past had come back to haunt him, and this time there was no running away. Not without losing everything, and everyone he loved.

"He broke into her apartment, beat her, strangled her, almost drowned her and then took a knife and slit her wrist deep enough to cause significant blood loss, but not enough to kill her yet. He then tied her up and let her bleed out until he untied her and stabbed her. The coroner couldn't figure out how many times she had been stabbed, but it was over-"

"Twenty six," came a strained voice at the end of the table.

Everybody turned to see Spencer with the case file clenched in his hands, "she was stabbed twenty six times, and she was alive and conscious for all of it."

"Reid, how can you be sure?" Hotch asked him, looking at him with concern and curiosity.

Spencer let go of the file and rubbed his own wrist, "after he beat her he drowned her and then beat her up some more before strangling her, he stabbed her before he tied her up and slit her wrist. Then he sat in front of her trying to comfort her while she was probably begging to be let go. He stayed there until she took her last breath and then called the CIA personally from an untraceable phone and said 'should've protected your young agent' then he hung up and disappeared."

Spencer fixed the order of the attack and finished the case file for them before going on, "he kills one undercover agent a year, usually it's a highly intelligent person under the age of eighteen and always on November the 3rd. They suspect that he was a former CIA who changed his identity trying to start a different life. He probably was a victim of several attacks until a severe one of November 3rd, he was also probably young like his victims. He feels like he should've been protected and that the CIA failed him. That's why he kills, to show the CIA that they don't protect their agents enough, he believes they need to pay for failing them."

"How do you know this Reid?" Hotch asked in a stern voice.

"I came across it in my studies..." Spencer lied, "he won't stop until the CIA prevents him from killing a victim. The problem is that they don't know who this guy is or who his next victim will be. He kills men, women, Caucasians, African Americans, Asians, any young CIA agent that he can get to too easily."

"So, how do we stop him?" Emily asked anxiously, it seemed like this would be one of their hardest cases yet.

"He has never failed to kill someone that he was planning on killing, the CIA never succeeded in protecting their agents," Spencer answered, "so, it's practically impossible because he only kills once a year."

"Has any victims survived JJ?" Rossi turned to JJ who hadn't taken her eyes of Spencer.

"No, not that the CIA told me," JJ answered, "they didn't give me a lot to go on though, I don't believe they gave me all the files..."

"They'll try to keep as much as they can away from us, but we need to know everything to catch this guy," Hotch stood up, "I'll call them and figure out where the rest of the files are."

'They won't give them to you,' Spencer thought silently.

His lie about how he had come across the story in his studies seemed to have convinced the team for the time being, but Spencer knew he wouldn't be able to keep his secret for long once they started digging. His team was good at what they did, but so was he. He rubbed his wrist and looked up to see JJ staring at him again.

'I can't lose her, I can't have them find out.'


	2. Chapter 2 - Here They Stand

_He sat in his office at his computer. He was hacking into the CIA database. After being trained with those skills he was more than happy to use it against them after what they had done, or rather what they had not done. He looked into the file about his case and when he found out that it had been passed to the FBI he was furious. They were brushing him off! He looked into the team that his case had been given to and he got quite a shock;_

 _Agent Aaron Hotchner, Agent David Rossi, Agent Derek Morgan, Agent Emily Prentiss, Technical analysis Penelope Garcia, Communication Liaison Jennifer Jareau and, Dr. Spencer Reid._

" _No!"_

 _He stormed around the room breaking everything he could get his hands on. There was no way! No way that he had failed! There was no way that this Dr. Spencer Reid was the same man... no way that this was the same kid as eight years ago. It wasn't possible, it couldn't be true._

 _'No, he was dead,' the man looked at the picture on his screen again, 'the brown eyes, the brown hair, the slender body, the handsome face, IQ of 187, eidetic memory... it's him alright.'_

 _The man punched a hole in his wall. He couldn't believe that he had let someone live, he had never failed, he had never left a victim alive. However, here his victim was looking out at him from his computer screen. He had been so sure that the kid was dead, the kid was unresponsive, he hadn't been breathing, even if he had been alive when he left he had suffered to many injuries to survive._

 _He left his office and went to his room where he grabbed a suitcase and threw his clothing into it. It looked like he had to go back to Washington, he grabbed his computer and hacked into the FBI database quietly. Once he had the doctors address he got into his car and headed back to Washington._

 _He would be there in an hour, and he would... rectify the situation._

Spencer was in the bathroom leaning against the sink. He turned on the water and splashed some on his face, he had to figure this out. He looked at himself in the mirror and could tell that it was obvious something was wrong.

'Maybe I can pass it off as sickness and go home,' he thought.

'You never go home, even when you're sick,' a little voice in his head replied.

'There's a first time for everything.'

He left the bathroom and went to find Hotch. Hotch was in his office on the phone with a CIA when Spencer came in. Hotch looked up startled as it wasn't like anyone, especially Spencer to not knock.

"Reid, what's wrong?"

"I'm feeling very sick, I think I may have a virus..." was Spencer's answer.

Apparently Hotch's profiler senses weren't on because he said, "yes, I noticed something was wrong. Why don't you go home? We won't be able to do something until we get those files anyway, and they're refusing to release them. They just put me on hold, again."

Hotch sat down and rubbed his face, he was obviously irritated. Spencer would usually stay during hard cases like these, but he knew his presence may only make the situation worse, for him and his team.

"Call me if you need me," Spencer said quietly before leaving the office.

Derek and Emily were at their desk and they watched him pack up his stuff, "where are you going pretty boy?"

"I'm sick, I'm going home," Spencer replied.

Derek looked at him with a worried expression, "it's not like you to go home when you're sick."

'Please, don't read into this Morgan,' Spencer thought.

"Feel better, okay kid?" Derek put his hand on Spencer's shoulder, "we need you at your best to get this bastard."

Spencer nodded and left, leaving Derek and Emily shocked and worried.

Spencer got into his car and drove home as fast as he could.

When he finally made it to his little two bedroom apartment he felt a little bit of comfort. He unlocked the door and went in, putting his stuff including his gun on the kitchen counter. He took his go bag to his bedroom and then got some boxers and a t-shirt that he would sleep in. A couple hours rest would be needed for him to be at his best, but he had to be at his best for a different reason then Derek believed. Spencer had to keep his life together, to protect his friends, and JJ.

Once he had gotten his clothing and a towel from the linen closet he went to the bathroom, but that's when he noticed something odd.

The tub was full of water already. Spencer backed away from it and looked down the hallway towards his living room. He slowly walked out and passing his kitchen he stood there, paralysed.

"Hello _Dr._ Reid."

The man had been sitting in the shadows where Spencer couldn't see from his kitchen when he first came in. The man stood up and walked over to Spencer slowly.

"I couldn't believe it, but now I see that it's true. You're alive, how strange," the man tilted his head questioningly, "I had sworn you were dead."

Spencer didn't say anything, but looked over at his kitchen counter where his gun had been.

"Looking for this?" The man held up his gun, "working for the FBI has made you too relax _Doctor_."

"Why are you here?" Spencer asked despite already knowing the answer.

"Don't ask foolish questions!" The man snapped, "you already know why I'm here!"

"Working for the FBI must have made me foolish because I truly can't think of the reason why you'd come here."

"My job's incomplete," the man answered.

"You killed Ashley Michaels-"

"I was supposed to kill you!" The man yelled again, "eight years ago, but yet here you stand!"


	3. Chapter 3 - The Attack

"Yes, here we stand," Spencer straightened up, "so, you came here to kill me, huh?"

The man smiled, "that's right, I've got to kill you or else I failed and I never fail."

Spencer smiled, and opened his arms wide gesturing to himself, "obviously you do-"

That angered the man who had stepped slowly towards him to the point where they were within arm distance of each other.

The man punched Spencer squarely in the face, but Spencer quickly recovered so, when the man went to punch him again he grabbed his arm and threw him against the wall. The man let out a cry of pain as he had been thrown into a mirror that hung from the wall. The man fell to the ground, Spencer's gun still in his hand and Spencer reached down to grab it from him.

The man held onto it and struggled to get up while they struggled over the weapon. The gun went off and Spencer let out a cry of pain, letting go of his grip on it. His hand went to his side as he backed away from his attacker.

The man smiled and went to hit Spencer over the head with the gun, but Spencer defended himself and disarmed the man sending it flying across the room and the man falling to the ground. He wasn't as useless at defending himself as people at the BAU thought, even his team.

Spencer moved into the living room to get his phone, which the man had also taken. He picked it up and pressed the number two, hearing it ring a couple times.

'Pick up Morgan,' he thought.

"No!" The man realized what Spencer was doing and instead of getting the weapon, grabbed Spencer and spun him around, punching him in the face again.

Spencer went crashing through his glass coffee table, and he cried out in pain as he felt glass cut at his back through his thin shirt. He turned and tried getting up, but his assailant only took the opportunity to wrap his arm around his neck.

"I intend to finish my job this time _Doctor_ ," the man growled in Spencer's ear.

Spencer struggled to get out of the man's grip, but eventually gave up struggling and let the man pull him up. Then, he took his own opportunity and elbowed the man in the stomach. The man cried out in pain a bit, but didn't let go of his grip on Spencer.

"You've forgotten a lot of your training in the years since you've been working for the FBI, haven't you Dr. Reid?"

The man wrapped the arm that wasn't still around Spencer's neck around his chest and started pulling him backwards through the living room and kitchen, towards the bathroom. Spencer continued struggling and finally broke free by using a move that Derek had taught him.

Spencer saw his gun had landed in the kitchen, just barely out of view since it was on the other side of the island counter. He dived for it and once he got it he scrambled for cover behind the island. He then crawled to the other end, farthest from his attacker who had quickly recovered.

"Put your hands where I can see them!" Spencer stood up and pointed his gun at the man, who followed his instructions quickly.

The man smiled, "was that an FBI move Dr. Reid?"

"No, it's a move my friend taught me," was his short reply as he kept his weapon trained on the man.

"Your friends, huh? The friends you've been lying to for the last five years?"

Spencer knew the man was trying to frustrate him so he'd let his guard down so he kept calm.

"I wanted to start a new life."

"Away from the people who failed you?" The man tried baiting him, tried making him angry.

"They didn't mean for me to get hurt, and they never meant for you to get hurt either," Spencer said.

"They didn't mean for me to get hurt?!" The man screamed, "they failed me just like they failed you! Just like how your FBI _friends_ have failed you!"

The man then went to tackle Spencer who had moved out of his position behind the counter. Spencer shot at him, but only grazed his arm. They both went flying to the ground, Spencer's head connected with the wall and he was momentarily stunned. It was long enough for the man to grab his gun, but he didn't turn it on him. In fact, he pushed it across the floor away from them before grabbing Spencer by his long hair and pull him up.

He pulled out his knife and pushed it into Spencer's neck, "no more struggling, walk."

Spencer flinched from the pain and stopped struggling and followed the man's instructions, waiting for him to move the knife away from his throat even if it was just for a moment.

The man pushed him into the bathroom and Spencer fell to his knees in front of the bathtub. He turned to get up and face the man, but he wasn't fast enough. The man grabbed his hair again and forced his head under the water, leaning right over him and holding him down even as he struggled.

At some point the man dropped his knife and Spencer felt it drop beside his leg. The man pulled him out of the water for brief moments before putting him back under, Spencer reached down for the knife and aimed the knife for anywhere he could.

The man cried out in pain as Spencer had stabbed him in the shoulder. Spencer pulled his head up and got up quickly. Passing the man to run out of the bathroom, but he had grabbed Spencer's ankle and Spencer fell to the ground. He turned and kicked the man, trying to get free.

The man let go easily and Spencer ran from the bathroom, his attacker right on his heels, but then there was a banging on the door.

"Open up Reid!" Came Derek's booming voice.

The man sent one more look at Spencer that clearly said "this isn't over," before jumping out the window he had come in and climbing down the balcony. He got into his car and raced away.

Derek broke in the door and rushed in with Emily behind him, both their guns at the ready.

They only saw Spencer; his hair soaked with water and blood dripping down his neck. His lips and hands were also bleeding a little, but the two team members didn't notice because they were more concerned with his bleeding throat and the blood coming from his side.

"Reid!" Derek put his gun away while Emily went to start checking the rest of the apartment.

"It's no use Emily, he's gone," Spencer told her.

"How?" She asked, with her answer being Spencer gesturing to the window.

Emily called Hotch so they could start setting up road blocks.

"What happened man?" Derek asked.

Spencer wiped his lip with his hands and let Derek lead him out of his apartment building to the ambulance, which had shown up.

"He came after me..." was all Spencer said, and Derek didn't push it.

He wanted to get Spencer to the hospital fast and he pressed the tea towel that he had grabbed from the kitchen against Spencer's side.

"You need to keep pressure on this pretty boy," Spencer grabbed the towel and kept it in place while Derek looked at the cut on his neck.

"It doesn't look very deep, but you may need stitches," he was saying, "I'm more worried about this bullet wound."

"It's nothing, just a scratch," Spencer said, trying not to let on that he was starting to feel nauseous.

Finally the paramedics loaded him into the ambulance and Derek sat beside Spencer while they took his blood pressure.

"I don't take narcotics," was Spencer's short answer when they offered him pain medicine.

By the time they got to the hospital Spencer was truly starting to feel ill, he had lost a lot of blood and he was on the brink of losing consciousness.

"Spence!" Derek had called the rest of the team and Spencer heard JJ's voice first.

She raced to his side as the paramedics rushed him in. She tried grabbing his hand, but before she knew it he was already being rolled into the OR, and Spencer lost consciousness with the last thing he saw being her face.


	4. Chapter 4 - Waiting for News

Derek was pacing in the hospital waiting room. The rest of the team, excluding JJ were sitting down; Hotch and Rossi were trying to keep calm, but they were just as anxious about Spencer and as furious at the man who hurt him as the others, Emily and Penelope were sitting closest to JJ who was standing right beside the waiting room door. Penelope felt sick like she always did when someone on the team was hurt, she felt like this was worse than when Spencer got kidnapped by Hankel. Emily tried to keep calm as well, but after almost a year with the team they had started feeling like family and she hoped with everything inside her that Spencer would be okay.

JJ leaned her head against the wall and closed her eyes, 'please, let him be okay. I can't lose him.'

Derek was thinking the same thing, Spencer had become like a brother to him and he'd hate himself for the rest of his life if anything ever happened to him. He had sworn since Hankel that he'd never let Spencer be hurt again, and now he felt like a failure. He remembered when he got the call...

 _Derek's phone had rung three times before he picked up, seeing that it was Spencer he answered "hey pretty boy, are you feeling-?"_

" _No!" He heard the scream, but knew immediately that it wasn't Spencer's voice._

 _The next thing Derek heard was a crash that sounded like someone going through glass. Then he heard something he never wanted to hear again after Hankel, Spencer crying out in pain._

" _Reid!" Derek yelled into the phone, hoping Spencer could hear or that the assailant would hear him._

" _I intend to finish my job this time Doctor," Derek heard the man growl as he heard what sounded like Spencer struggling to get away._

" _What's going on?" Emily had gotten up from her desk and followed as Derek motioned for her to follow him._

 _Practically running up the stairs to Hotch's office he said without knocking or waiting for an answer, "someone's attacking Reid in his apartment!"_

 _Hotch had been on the phone, but quickly hung up and went to get Rossi and JJ._

 _Derek and Emily ran out of the building into a car, grabbing only their guns. Hotch and Rossi called back up and told JJ to go tell Penelope what was going on._

 _Derek was still holding the phone as Emily got into the drivers seat, "put your hands where I can see them!"_

 _They heard Spencer yelled on the other side of the phone, Derek had put it on speaker for Emily to hear._

" _Was that an FBI move Dr. Reid?"_

" _No, it's a move my friend taught me."_

 _It seemed to Emily and Derek that Spencer had managed to get his gun and had used a self-defence move on him. Derek was proud of him, and Emily was a little bit surprised though she was ashamed to admit it._

" _Your friends, huh? The friends you've been lying to for the last five years?"_

 _Derek and Emily exchanged looks, what would Spencer have lied about? Who was this man?_

" _I wanted to start a new life," they heard Spencer answer._

" _Away from the people who failed you?"_

" _They didn't mean for me to get hurt, and they never meant for you to get hurt either."_

" _They didn't mean for me to get hurt?!" Emily flinched when the man suddenly screamed, "they failed me just like they failed you! Just like how your FBI friends have failed you!"_

 _Derek felt a pang of guilt when the man said that and Emily drove as fast as she could, sirens blaring. They heard the man attack Spencer and the gun go off, but Derek hung up then because hearing it wouldn't help them get there any faster._

 _When they finally got there they didn't even wait for Hotch, Rossi or back up. They just ran right up the staircase to Spencer's apartment, not even concerned about the people that saw them and sent them worried glances._

" _Open up Reid!" Derek banged on the door and didn't even wait for an answer before breaking in the door._

 _Emily followed Derek and gasped when she saw Spencer covered in water and blood._

 _Derek rushed to his side and Emily was surprised when Spencer said, "it's no use Emily, he's gone."_

 _When Spencer told her that he had left through the window she left the apartment and called Hotch. Also, waiting to signal the ambulance._

" _What happened man?"_

 _Derek watched Spencer wipe blood from his face as he led him out of the apartment building, "he came after me..."_

 _Derek had a feeling that Spencer knew his attacker, not only from his words, but from listening to the phone call. He also had a strange feeling that this man was the man that had killed Ashley Michaels._

 _Why had this man come after Spencer? What was Spencer's connection to this case?_

" _You need to keep pressure on that pretty boy?" Derek pressed the tea towel against Spencer._

 _He would figure out what was going on once he knew Spencer would be alright._

" _It's nothing, just a scratch," Derek's heart broke when Spencer said this._

 _He knew the young agent was just trying to be brave and strong, but he could tell despite Spencer trying to hide it how much pain he was in, and Derek could tell he was fading._

Derek shook the memory and paced some more, wishing the surgeon would come out and tell them Spencer would be okay.

After what seemed like ages, the man came out.

"Dr. Spencer Reid," the man said.

The entire team stood up, "how is he?" JJ was the first to ask.

"He's going to recover, the wound wasn't that deep, but he did lose quite an amount of blood."

"Is he awake?" Derek asked as he was anxious to talk to him about what happened.

"Not yet, but he should be soon. Until then, you can wait here and we'll let you know when he awakens."

Hotch moved towards the surgeon, "may I speak to you?"

The man nodded and moved away from the team to allow more privacy.

"Dr. Reid can't be on narcotics, off the record," Hotch told the man sternly.

"Does he have an addiction history or something?" The surgeon asked, "off the record."

Hotch nodded, "this can't be put on any of his files, he has been clean for months. There's no point-"

"I understand Agent Hotchner, I won't say anything about this, but I won't give him more pain medication then he needs."

"Thank you," Hotch watched as the surgeon walked away, and he went back towards his team.

"Do any of you want to head home or do you want to stay here?" He asked.

The way they all looked at him gave him the obvious answer and he sat down beside Rossi. Derek finally sat down now that he knew Spencer would be okay and JJ sat beside Emily and Penelope.

The team waited anxiously for Spencer to wake up, each of them wondering the same thing.

Why would this man attack Spencer?


	5. Chapter 5 - Running Away

William LaMontagne JR had been dating Jennifer Jareau for about seven months. The thirty year old man had fallen for JJ quickly, but he had sensed already that maybe JJ wasn't returning his feeling. At least not to the same extent as his own. JJ had called him to let him know what had happened to Spencer, and she had told him not to worry about flying over to see her. William JR ignored her wishes and got on a plane from New Orleans to Washington anyway. He had thought that JJ just hadn't wanted to inconvenience him, but the truth was that JJ truly didn't want William around. She just wanted to take care of Spencer, and find out what was truly going on with the man she cared about so much.

The surgeon had come out to tell the team that they could go see Spencer, only a few short hours after his surgery.

JJ had rushed to Spencer's side, "Spence, are you okay?"

Spencer smiled, "I'm fine JJ, just a little sore."

"You just got beaten shot and almost drowned, I doubt you're fine pretty boy," Derek said.

"Well, even after all that I'm still prettier than you so..." Derek smiles at Spencer's joke.

"You're never leaving sick from work again, do you hear me?" Penelope told him as she moved to give Spencer a hug.

Spencer smiled and nodded, "I hear you loud and clear."

"Reid, we need to talk about what happened," Hotch started, not wanting to waste any time finding this man.

Spencer sighed, "I went home because I felt sick, I got some clean clothing so I could rest and I noticed the bathtub was full of water. I went into the living room and found that the man was standing there, he had taken my gun and my phone. We got into a struggle as I tried getting my gun from him. He shot me, but I managed to get my phone to call Derek, then he grabbed me and punched me into the coffee table. He tried dragging me to the bathroom, but I managed to get away and get my gun. He tackled me and managed to overpower me and get me to the bathroom, he cut my neck and tried drowning me, but I got his knife and stabbed him in the shoulder. Then I ran from the bathroom and that's when Derek and Emily showed up. He left through the window."

Hotch sighed, "we had to know that as well, but I was more asking about why he would have come after you in the first place?"

JJ had grabbed Spencer's hand and had gripped it hard as he told his story, "I'm not sure..." Spencer lied.

"Reid, we know you. You have to have an idea about why this man attacked you," Derek said.

"I'm not sure, maybe because I'm a genius like his other victims."

"Spencer, you know that this man attacks younger people that work for the CIA," Rossi had cut in, "you know that this unsub wouldn't stray from that. He attacked you for a reason."

"You're hiding something from us pretty boy, we can tell."

Spencer shook his head, anxiety filled him, "what's going on Spence?"

Spencer pulled his hand away from JJ's, "I already told you guys, I'm not sure why he'd attack me. I don't know everything-"

"Reid, you knew too much about a secure and confidential CIA case file," Hotch said sternly, "there's no way that that file would have been something you just happened to come across in your studies."

Spencer looked up at Hotch and then looked around at the rest of his team, 'I knew they'd figure it out.'

He knew that it was only a matter of time before they started piecing together all of his story and all of the lies he had told them during the last five years. He had to leave, he had to get away so that they'd be safe, so she'd be safe because they had no idea what they were about to get themselves into.

"I need to rest," Spencer told them, looking away and turning eyes to the window.

"Spence-" JJ tried comforting him by putting her hands back on his.

"I need to rest," Spencer repeated firmly, pulling his hands away again.

JJ backed away from the bed, feeling hurt by the rejection, "alright, we'll let you rest..."

"Pretty boy, you can't keep this from us. You need to confide in us so that we can keep you safe."

Spencer said nothing, just continued looking out the window.

"Come on guys, let's allow Spencer some time to think," Hotch moved towards the door and held it open, "we'll come back in a couple hours to see if you're ready to tell us the truth, until then we'll try to figure it out ourselves."

"It's none of your business Hotch!" Spencer snapped, glaring at his boss from his hospital bed.

"Protecting my agents, and my family is my business Reid."

Spencer looked away and closed his eyes, trying not to cry from the pain he was feeling about what he was already planning to do.

As soon as the door clicked shut, Spencer sat up and carefully removed the IV from his hand. He flinched as he moved with his stitches on his side still feeling sensitive, but he pushed through the pain.

"I have to leave, I don't have a choice. I must protect them, I must protect her.'

JJ had walked away from the rest of the team once they had returned to the waiting room, "I'm going to go home."

That was all she told them before she left through the doors to the stairway and ran down four floors. When she couldn't run anymore she sat down, dropping her purse and covering her eyes.

That's when all the tears came, tears she didn't understand why she was crying because after all, Spencer was going to be okay. However, Spencer was keeping secrets, he had gotten attacked by a man that seemed to personally have it in for him according to what Derek had told them and he was pulling away from her. She knew it had only been his hand, but she felt like it was more than that. Spencer was pulling back himself, who he was or rather who she thought he was, which she was afraid she didn't know anymore because Spencer had never kept secrets. Spencer had never pulled away from her comfort and these feelings that she felt since Spencer got attacked were all so new.

When she had been told that Spencer was being attacked in his apartment she had felt like a wave had hit her, the same wave that had hit her nine months ago when Spencer had been kidnapped by Hankel. However, this time there were no dogs to blame it on, no drug addiction to worry about because after all Spencer was clean at least for now. She had nothing to distract herself from this overwhelming feeling because they couldn't even work on the case until Spencer or the CIA spoke to them.

JJ hadn't heard Derek following her, and she jumped when Derek put his hand on her shoulder. He sat down beside her and silently wrapped his arms around her as she continued crying.

"I think you should tell him, he deserves to know," Derek said once JJ had calmed down and wiped her eyes.

"What are you talking about?"JJ asked.

"I don't have to be a profiler to see what's going on, you two have been doing this little dance for years," Derek explained gently, "especially since Hankel..."

JJ sniffled, "I don't know what you're talking about Derek, I don't know what I'm feeling..."

"I think you do, and when you're able to see it and ready to accept it I think you should tell him the truth."

"The way he's telling us the truth?" She replied angrily.

"I don't know what's going on with pretty boy, but he has been acting odd ever since this morning when the case file dropped into his hands. I'm starting to think that he may have a connection with this case."

JJ looked at him questioningly, "but that would mean that he'd have to have a connection with the CIA."

"I know."

"But Spence can't have a connection with them, he has worked with us since he was twenty one-"

"Ashley Michaels was sixteen years old JJ, and Reid graduated high school at twelve years old. We don't know what he could have been doing in those nine years."

"We know Spence was at the FBI academy from February 2002 to June 2002, and then he started working at the BAU that November..."

"That still leaves almost eight years unaccounted for."

"But he was also in school-"

"For four years JJ," Derek said, "he got most of his degrees out of school, working online and at night and stuff. I got Penelope to get his school admissions before she came to the hospital."

JJ was trying to think, 'what was Spence doing from the time he was sixteen to the time he joined the FBI academy at twenty?'

Just then Emily ran into them on the stairs, "guys, Reid's missing!"

JJ and Derek looked up at Emily with shocked expressions and then looked at each other. They got up and raced upstairs to find that indeed, Spencer's bed was empty, but there was no sign of a struggle.

Spencer didn't bother going back to his apartment to get his stuff, he just checked into a hotel with his secret emergency credit card. Penelope wouldn't be able to find him through it because she didn't know it even existed. Spencer had always faked a hatred of electronic money, always saying he preferred to carry cash only.

"Would you like any room service Sir?" The nice lady at the desk asked.

"No thanks, in fact I'd prefer to be left alone for the rest of tonight and tomorrow. I'll hang the Do Not Disturb sign up."

The lady nodded, "okay, let us know if there's anything you need."

"I will," Spencer sent the lady and charming smile before turning and heading up to his room.

He let himself in and then unpacked his bag. He had stopped to get a couple supplies on his way from the hospital.

Spencer pulled out some new clothing, a laptop, a gun, handcuffs, and hair dye and scissors?


	6. Chapter 6 - Hiding, Hurting & Discovery

Spencer looked down at the supplies on the bed and couldn't help, but feel overwhelmed by the situation. He had never thought that this would happen, he had wanted to start a new life and he had begun to think he could. He had friends that had become more like family and he cared about them so much.

'That's why I need to do this,' Spencer reminded himself.

He picked up the hair dye and went into the hotel rooms bathroom. Grabbing a towel he put it around his shoulders and then opened up the container, mixing the hair dye and then carefully putting it on his head. After he was done he tied the hair net around his head and went to sit on the bed. He turned on the TV and tried finding something to watch to distract him, but he knew it was a useless attempt.

All Spencer could think of was JJ, and the rest of the team.

Derek, Emily, Hotch, JJ, Penelope and Rossi were all sitting around the conference table back at the BAU headquarters.

"Why would Spencer leave like this?" Derek asked.

"He's hiding something," Emily said.

"He has to have a closer connection to this case," everybody turned to look at Hotch.

"He knew way to much about the case before he even opened the case file. The CIA are being exceptionally secretive about this case, they won't answer my questions or send me the rest of the case files... I think this may call for desperate measures."

Hotch looked over at Penelope, who looked up at her boss with a smile, "are you serious?"

Penelope was on the FBI's list of the most talented, but dangerous hackers in the world.

"I could never give one of my agents permission to hack into the CIA database Garcia, but I can't control what you do in your office when I'm not around..."

Penelope stood up quietly and left the room. She was secretly very excited and as she sat down at her desk and started hacking all she could think was;

'Let's find out what our baby's hiding.'

Spencer had gotten up from the bed and throwing down the remote he started pacing. He kept trying to convince himself that he had done the right thing by leaving the team, but he wasn't completely sure.

When his timer went off for his hair he went into the bathroom to rinse the dye out. He then blow dried his hair and then went to get the scissors.

Looking at himself in the mirror Spencer once again thought about how he couldn't believe it had come to this. That everything he had gone through and had experienced in the last five years had boiled down to losing everything and everyone that he had come to care about.

He grabbed a piece of his hair and cut it, and his brain shut off as he continued cutting until his hair was short enough that he didn't look easily recognizable. His hair was now short and he had dyed it black. He couldn't stand his hair cut, his hair color or the situation, but when he looked at the stitched up cut on his neck he knew it was necessary.

'I've got to rest and then I can leave,' Spencer thought.

He went back into the other part of his hotel room and laid down on his bed.

The last thing he thought about was JJ, and as he closed his eyes he wished that he had told her how he felt about her, before he left because he knew now that it was too late.

William LaMontagne JR walked into the BAU headquarters and requested to be brought to JJ. She was sitting in the conference room with the rest of the team, excluding Penelope who was still in her office.

The team heard the knock on the door, "come in," Hotch called.

"Hello Agent Hotchner, I'm sorry to interrupt, but Detective William LaMontagne is here to the Agent Jareau."

JJ raised her head and looked over at him, "Will?"

Will smiled at her and walked into the conference room, "I jumped on a plane as soon as I got off the phone with you."

"I told you not too," JJ had walked over to him and had her arms crossed, "I didn't want you to come."

"I thought you just didn't want to bother me, but it doesn't bother me because I love you-"

JJ sighed, "Will, I meant it when I said that you shouldn't come."

"Well, I thought that I could help," Will looked away from JJ and at Hotch, "Agent Hotchner."

He walked passed JJ and Hotch held out his hand to him, "hello Detective."

"Is there anything I can do to help with the case?"

JJ rolled her eyes and huffed, leaving the room and leaving her team very confused and Will even more so.

JJ walked down to the bathroom and looked at herself in the mirror. She couldn't believe that Will had completely disrespected her wishes like that.

'Spence wouldn't do that,' a tiny voice in her head said.

And suddenly her mind went from Will to Derek's words at the hospital.

" _I think you should tell him, he deserves to know... I don't have to be a profiler to see what's going on, you two have been doing this little dance for years, especially since Hankel..."_

JJ splashed water on her face and looked at her haggard appearance in the mirror.

All she could think was 'where are you Spence? Why'd you leave me?'

Spencer woke up after a couple hours in the hotel room. He flinched when he sat up and he instinctively put his hand on his side.

'Damn it, I should have picked up some pain medication too,' he thought for a moment before shaking it off.

He couldn't afford to think about narcotics because he didn't want to risk craving Dilaudid. He got up and went to the bathroom and splashed water on his face.

'I miss you JJ,' he thought, wishing that she could hear him, 'I know you probably don't understand, but I'm doing this for you...'

The team spent the entire night working on the case the best they could, and when Penelope finally hacked into the CIA database she took every single file that she could find that had any link to the man who had attacked Spencer.

As it turned out, this man had been attacking people since November 3rd 1982. That was only a year after Spencer's birth, and all of the victims were the same; young genius' that worked for the CIA.

'Why would he attack Spencer then?' Penelope wondered to herself for what must have been the hundredth time.

The first murder had been sloppy, full of anger and not very thought out yet he still had gotten away with it. The murders continued on November 3rd every year, and it didn't matter to him if it was a woman or a man, or what the race or religion of the person was. The only link between the victims were that they had above average intelligence levels and had started working for the CIA at an extremely young age.

Penelope started going through all twenty five murder files and she was disgusted by each one, but she pushed through it. She had to find the connection to Spencer, and she did.

When Penelope opened case file number fifteen, she was shocked and hurt by what she saw.


	7. Chapter 7 - The Truth

_Spencer had gotten back to his small apartment quite late that night; it had been raining, but thankfully a friend had given the sixteen year old a ride._

 _When he walked into his apartment he fully intended to have dinner then have a shower._

 _'Maybe I'll watch a movie and fall asleep on the couch,' Spencer thought happily as he unloaded his things._

 _The young man made himself dinner and sat down to start watching a documentary . Before he even managed to have a shower however, he fell asleep on the couch. This was something that happened often, but tonight things would be different._

 _The first thing Spencer felt were rough hands in his hair pulling him off his couch. He woke up quickly, but as he smashed into his coffee table he didn't have much time to react before the man was on top of him._

" _Hello Agent Reid, how old are you?" The man asked, pointing a knife at his chest._

 _Spencer held his hands out for the man to see, "why does that matter?" He replied calmly._

" _How old are you?!"_

" _Sixteen!" Spencer flinched when the man screamed in his face, "I just turned sixteen..."_

" _Too young for the CIA..." The man pulled Spencer up, only to pull him out of the living room._

 _When they were out of the way of furniture the man punched Spencer in the face sending him to the ground. Spencer looked up at the man and guessed that he was probably in his late twenties to early thirties. The man went to kick him in the stomach, but Spencer shielded himself and pushed the man backwards. He got up as fast as he could and tried to go for his bag, which ironically was on the kitchen counter._

" _No!" The man tackled Spencer to the ground before turning him over and punching him repeatedly in the face._

 _The young sixteen year old agent wasn't being given much opportunity to defend himself, but he tried. Spencer was clawing at the man's face, struggling to get away and trying to push the man off. However, the man was relentless, and was older and larger than him._

 _'If I can just get him off...' Spencer thought._

 _Finally the man's punches slowed down, and the man looked down at the teenagers bloodied face, "I'm sorry."_

 _Before Spencer knew what was happening the man who had just apologized after beating him was pulling him up again, putting the knife he had been holding against his throat._

" _Walk," the man growled._

 _Spencer followed instructions, 'as soon as this bastard pulls the knife away...'_

 _The man brought him into the bathroom and it took Spencer a moment to register that the bathtub was full of water. It only took a split second for him to put two and two together and he started struggling despite the fact that the knife was still at his throat._

" _Stop!" The man screamed as Spencer struggled._

 _His fist connected with his assailants face and the man went falling to the ground, hitting his head against the bathtub, hard enough to stun him, but not hard enough to knock him out._

 _Spencer took this opportunity to run from the bathroom, but he didn't get far. The man recovered quickly and ran after the teenager, using his training to get him back down to the ground. Spencer landed on his front and tried to crawl away and get out of the man's grasp. The man pulled out his knife again and shoved it deep into Spencer's back, just barely missing his kidney._

 _Spencer let out a scream of pain, and the man took the chance to pull the teenager up, dragging him back into the bathroom and throwing him down on the ground._

 _Spencer hit his head against the bathtub the same way the man had and the man laughed, "karma sucks, huh?"_

 _The man grabbed Spencer's hair and growled in his ear "your director needs to learn about karma, and you're going to help me teach him."_

 _That was the last thing Spencer heard before his head was pushed under the water. The man pulled him up once every minute to allow him a gulp of air, it was obvious to Spencer that this man was going to play with him before actually killing him._

 _After several minutes that felt like hours the man pulled Spencer out and let him fall onto his back, gasping for air and retching._

 _Spencer was still taking shallow breaths as he looked up at the man that had stood up, "please, don't-"_

 _This seemed to make the man angry and he leaned down and grabbed Spencer by his throat, pulling him up and dragging him back into the living room._

 _There he threw Spencer against the closest wall and he smiled as the teenager let out another cry of pain as his wounded back hit the wall. He then started kicking Spencer in the stomach with as much force as he could._

" _You-think-I-didn't-say-that!" The man screamed, "nobody stopped for me! Nobody listened when I begged them to stop! Nobody came to save me!"_

 _He continued screaming as he continued to beat Spencer, alternating between kicking and climbing on top of him to punch him some more. By the time the man stopped Spencer's face was bloody; blood came from his nose and his mouth and he couldn't help crying._

" _Please, stop- why are you doing this?" Spencer asked once the man stopped beating him long enough._

 _The man had been kicking him again, but at this question he climbed back on top of Spencer and said, "because nobody saved me, and nobody will save you!"_

 _The man then wrapped his hands around Spencer's neck and started strangling him. It didn't take long for Spencer to start fading, but he didn't have any intent on dying that day._

 _'I'm not dying like this-'_

 _Spencer managed to grab the man's knife and stab him in the shoulder, another ironic coincidence._

 _Spencer stood up and cried in pain at the stab wound that was still bleeding, and from his broken ribs because of the beating. He once again went towards the kitchen counter, but the man grabbed his ankle and pulled him down._

 _The man had gotten his knife after being stabbed in the shoulder and then started stabbing Spencer anywhere he could reach._

 _Spencer cried out as the man started stabbing him, and as much as he tried he couldn't escape the larger man's strength. Despite all his training, none of it seemed to be stronger than a knife or this man, who seemed to have a lot of training himself, and soon he lost track of how many times he got stabbed._

 _All Spencer could think about was that he had to hang on to his life as hard as he could, because he wasn't done living it._

 _After twenty six stabs the man finally stopped, but Spencer was laying in a pool of his own blood and was barely conscious. All he felt was pain as the man pulled over a chair from his dining table and picked him up, grabbing rope from his bag and tying him to it. Spencer tried to struggle, tried to pull his wrist and legs out of the rope, but he couldn't and he started begging._

" _Please, please, let me go," he cried, but the man only sat in another chair in front of him._

" _It's okay, you'll be okay," the man said in a sickly comforting voice, "it'll be over soon enough. This will make it quicker."_

 _The man took his knife and put it into the crook of Spencer's elbow, right down to his wrist, slitting it._

 _Spencer cried out again in pain, "no! Please, stop- please, let me go..."_

" _Shh, I know how scared you are. Trust me, I know personally, but that's why I'm doing this. You're helping me teach a very important lesson. So that this doesn't happen in the future."_

 _Spencer groaned and rolled his head back, finding it harder and harder to fight the urge to "sleep." He was soaked in his own blood; from his face, his neck, his chest, his abdomen, his legs and now his arm... he didn't think there was a single body part that wasn't covered in blood._

" _Please- please-" Spencer repeated, it felt like ages, but then the man started looking at his watch._

" _Why aren't you dead yet?" The man wondered aloud, not realizing that Spencer could hear him._

 _'Because I won't die like this.'_

 _And then the idea occurred to him, he'd stop begging and hold his breath as still as he could._

 _After a few minutes of trying to remain as limp as possible the man untied him and laid him down on the ground._

 _Spencer felt the man's fingers against his neck and he held his breath until the man pulled his fingers away and said;_

" _Another mindless sacrifice... what a shame," the man touched Spencer's face and turned it to the side, "such a handsome boy too, would have made quite a lucky catch for someone... too bad."_

 _The man got up and packed up his bag of supplies. Spencer laid there, trying to stay as still as possible and struggling to stay conscious._

 _Out of nowhere he heard a dial tone and then his directors voice, "hello?"_

" _You should have protected your young agent Director."_

 _A moment later Spencer heard the door to his apartment click shut._

 _Spencer managed to crawl over to his kitchen and pull himself up high enough to grab his phone._

" _9-11, what's your emergency?"_

" _Need-help-attacked-lost-blood-can't-hold-on-"_

" _Help is on the way sir, please stay with me," the dispatcher said, "sir? Sir?!"_

 _Spencer had dropped his phone and finally passed out, waking days later in the hospital with multiple scars and a memory that would haunt his mind for years to come, and eventually come back to hurt him again._


	8. Chapter 8 - The Next Move

Penelope was horrified after she read the details of the attack, but she had found what they had been looking for. She had found Spencer's connection to the case.

She walked into the conference room shakily, and everyone was still there. JJ was sitting beside Will reluctantly, but was the first one to ask when she noticed Penelope.

"Did you find anything?"

The whole team was looking at her as she nodded and started explaining what she had found.

"Pretty boy's a CIA agent...?" Derek asked slowly, the idea not sinking in.

"Was a CIA agent," Penelope corrected, "he left a while after the attack. It seemed like he just couldn't cope with it, and wanted to start a new life."

JJ was almost in tears, "but he left, why would he leave us?"

"Probably thought he was protecting all of us," Emily answered, "sometimes when the past comes back to haunt you, the only thing you can think of is running away..."

"That would explain why he knew so much, and why the CIA have been so secretive," Hotch said, "they were probably keeping it under wraps for Reid."

Derek and JJ were having the hardest time believing any of this, but after several moments of painful silence Derek asked, "why would they send us the file though? Wouldn't they realize it'd put Reid at risk?"

Derek's hurt at finding out Spencer's past trauma and also the hurt of finding out that his 'brother' had been keeping such a detrimental secret had turned to anger at the people who hadn't protected him.

"They probably sent the case to Reid for that exact reason. It makes sense-"

"How the Hell can you say something like that?!" Derek yelled at Rossi, getting up from where he was sitting.

Derek was at his boiling point; his best friend gets attacked and keeps secrets, leaves them without saying anything and now he's an undercover CIA agent that has been hurt before? It was all too much.

"I hate this just as much as you do Morgan," despite not having been with the team very long, Rossi did hate what was happening.

David had believed that Spencer was too young to be in the BAU, but now he was starting to wonder if he had been wrong since the boy was a CIA agent.

"They know that Reid knew the case more than anybody. He's the only living victim, so he knows this guy inside and out."

"But they put him in danger!"

"They saved his life," Emily interrupted Derek who was snapping back at Rossi's explanation.

Derek and JJ gave her a look of disbelief, but she continued, "by sending him the case they gave him a heads up. Spencer would've known that he was in danger, that was why he left. Not only from the hospital, but also when he left after the case file was read. He probably feels like he needs to figure out a game plan, what to do next to protect himself, and us."

Emily was right about that; Spencer had left to protect the team, especially JJ and to figure out what his next move was.

Spencer had sat in his hotel room all night trying to figure out what he was going to do. His brilliant mind couldn't think of anything, but his emotions could. So the next day he checked out of the hotel and rented a car.

As he sped down the highway he knew exactly where his destination was; CIA headquarters.

Finally Spencer was driving up to the front gates of the large building, it had six stories and a lot of attachments. It looked a lot like a hospital, at least that's what Spencer had thought the first time he had driven up to it all those years ago. Spencer used his old CIA pass to get the first set of gates to open, driving up to the second gate he was greeted by a very official looking security guard that had been sitting inside a booth.

"Hello sir," the man asked, "may I see your ID?"

Spencer silently handed it to him and waited as the man inspected it and then looked up his name on the computer that was in his security booth.

"It says here that you retired from the CIA, you haven't been an active agent since 2000."

"I retired years ago to start anew, but I've been forced to return. I need to talk to someone, it's imperative."

The man looked at Spencer suspiciously, "who do you need to speak with?"

"The director," was Spencer's short reply.

The man continued to eye him, which caused a lot of annoyance for Spencer as he was still recovering from the attack and his entire life was crumbling around him. He was trying to figure out how to keep it together.

"Call him and tell him it's urgent, and that Spencer Reid is here to speak with him."

The man could tell that this was a serious matter and decided to reluctantly call the director. This was something that security guards, or anyone from lower levels were typically not allowed to do, but this seemed like a different type of circumstance.

After being transferred to multiple people and explaining the situation the man finally got to talk to the director and Spencer listened carefully as the security guard explained the situation.

"There's a man here at the front gates Sir, he has been retired for years, but he says he needs to speak directly to you. That it's an emergency."

There were a few moments of silence, "His name's Spencer Reid Sir... Okay Sir, I'll let him in."

The man turned back to Spencer and handed his ID back, "he'll see you immediately."

"I figured he might," Spencer replied.

After parking his rented car he walked up the steps to the front doors and used his ID to get into the building. He couldn't believe he was standing inside the building again and he looked around as he walked towards the elevators.

Spencer remembered when he first walked through those doors as a young genius, he had been amazed and excited, but that feeling was gone now. When he had left he had hoped that he wouldn't ever walk through the doors again, yet here he was.

He felt strangely anxious, but that anxiety quickly turned to anger as he stood in the elevator and waited for the sixth floor, where he knew the directors office was. He had never wanted to see the director again, never had wanted to be in this building again. He had wanted to start a new life away from the CIA, and the traumatic attack he had survived.

There were security guards all over the place on this floor, the director was being given the utmost protection. This only fuelled Spencer's anger, it was good that nobody bothered him or he might have snapped at them. Apparently, all the security guards knew he was coming because none of them asked his purpose. They all fidgeted awkwardly as he walked past them, and knocked on the directors door.

"Come in Spencer," answered a deep voice.

Spencer entered the room and the director was sitting at an extravagant desk and stood up.

The director walked around the desk and smiled, "dear Spencer, it's great to see you again after all this time."

He walked up to Spencer and put his hands on his shoulders, "you look well-"

"How dare you do this to me John?" Spencer finally snapped, using the directors first name as he once used to do.

John dropped his hands and his smiled dropped too as he looked at the angry young man in front of him.

"How could you do this to me?"


	9. Chapter 9 - The Talk & Acceptance

"How could you do this to me John?" Spencer repeated.

John looked at Spencer with a solemn expression, "I'm not sure what you think I did to you-"

"Don't fuck with me, you know exactly what I'm talking about," Spencer's voice shook with anger and the threat of tears, "you had to send me the file, didn't you? I was perfectly fine for the first time in a long time. I was happy, and you ruined it."

"Spencer, I needed you for the case," John explained, "we needed you, as a CIA agent-"

"But I'm not a CIA agent anymore John! I walked away because I needed to get away from the case! I wanted to start a new life and I did, and you knew this!"

"I'm sorry, I thought it was for the best. I thought sending you the case was in your best interest."

"You thought it was in my best interest? I created a life, a life I nearly lost once before already and I salvaged it. I saved myself before I crashed and burned again, and now I'm losing my friends and the only woman I've ever really loved."

"I know all about Tobias Hankel, and I'm sorry you had to go through that. I also know about the drug addiction, I kept an eye on you," John explained after getting a questioning stare from Spencer before continuing.

"I'm so proud of you for everything you've done, as for you losing your team I don't believe you have. If they truly love you, they'll still be around for you despite this."

Spencer shook his head, "they won't be around, they'll hate me for lying and they'll leave me-"

"I know why you feel that way," John interrupted, "I know you've been waiting for each and every one of them to desert you the way your Father did, but these people aren't your Father. They'll never abandon you, I know that's harder to believe after Gideon-"

"You don't know how I feel or why! You're standing there thinking you're so high and mighty just because you're in control of the CIA, but you're just a normal person like the rest of us! You make the same mistakes, and you make them over and over again!"

Spencer wasn't holding anything back by this point because he was so full of anger and fear that he didn't care what position the man held.

When Spencer had been in the CIA John hadn't become director yet, and he had been a lot like Gideon. He had been Spencer's mentor and friend, but something had changed after the first attack. He hadn't been able to cope and even though he hated to admit it, he did blame John for not protecting him from the unsub, but not nearly as much as John blamed himself.

John pulled his chair around the desk and sat beside Spencer who had his elbows on the desk and his head in his hands.

"Spencer, I'm so sorry for what happened to you. Not just what happened all those years ago, but what happened the other day. I never meant for you to get hurt, I never meant for any of you to get hurt. With this job comes specific risk, and you know this."

John was looking at Spencer sadly, remembering when he was just a wide-eyed teenager that only wanted to help people. The teenager that put everything, including his life, on the line to help people and that boy wasn't much different than the man in front of him.

"I swore to protect you when you joined the case, I thought maybe a younger, fresher mind would be able to crack it. I thought I was too close to the case to see clearly. After all, it was my agent that had been the victim of the first murder. I wanted to get justice."

November 3rd 1982; that was the year of the first murder and at that time John hadn't been director, but had been the leader of a team of CIA agents. Not very much unlike Gideon, Hotch or Rossi. For fifteen years John had tried capturing the attacker, but had failed each time. He hadn't only failed in capturing him and bringing justice to the victims, but figuring out who his next victim was and protecting them.

John had brought Spencer onto his team thinking his innocence and objective mind could help him realize what he had been missing. John had known, as did everyone how dangerous it was bringing the perfect victim into the team. However, John believed he could protect Spencer and prevent anything from happening to him. He had been wrong, and he had blamed himself everyday for his dreadful, and almost lethal mistake.

"I know that and I know you tried to protect me, I really do. However, I can't help feeling angry even though I understand how you felt. When I was kidnapped by Tobias Hankel he forced me to choose someone to die. I had devoted my life to helping people and because of me someone was killed. I had failed, I know this is a little different, but-"

"First of all, what happened wasn't your fault," John interrupted firmly, "not only with Hankel, but with this case. You didn't do anything wrong, you have done so well. When you were with us, and since you've been at the BAU. I'm proud of you Spencer."

Spencer smiled, wiping his eyes before the tears started coming, but John put his arm around his shoulders, "there's nothing to be ashamed of when it comes to crying. Right now, I'm not the CIA director or your old leader, I'm your friend."

"I means a lot to me that you're proud of me," Spencer said looking at John, "Gideon said the same thing once... I felt so happy, but couldn't see what there was to be proud of."

"There's so much to be proud of Spencer, I wish you could see it," John got up and Spencer got up too.

John patted him on the back, the way Derek did a lot and said, "go home. Your team will forgive you for lying and keeping secrets. They need you, and whether you can see it or not, you need them. You don't have to this alone, not anymore."

They had walked over to the door leading out of his office, "please, remember Spencer that you always will be a part of the CIA to me. You'll always be a part of my team, and also a very dear friend."

Spencer smiled and before leaving the office said, "I came here to give you Hell, but it didn't turn out quite the way I planned."

John laughed, "well, I do know you and I think you know as well that you needed to come here for more than venting your anger. You needed reassurance, but no matter how much reassurance you get from me it won't be good enough."

"I know that, I thought leaving was the best thing to do, but maybe you're right. Maybe I do need them."

"Go to them Spencer, explain yourself and be completely honest with all of them. They're your family, and that woman must be a very amazing woman if she has caught your eye so, don't lose her."

Spencer opened the door to the office and turned to John one more time, "goodbye John."

"Goodbye Spencer, I don't ever want to see you in this building again," he replied with a smile.

And with that Spencer left, racing to his rented car as fast as he could because he had to get back. He had to get back to the team, and most especially to JJ.

As he pulled away from the building he couldn't help thinking the same thing John had said.

'I don't ever want to be in that building again, I need to fix this.'

Spencer had felt like his entire life had been turned upside down when that case file had fallen into his hands, but now he thought maybe running away wasn't the answer. He couldn't keep running from the past because his past would always catch up with him, would always come back to haunt him. He had to face this the same way he had faced his drug addiction; face on with no more denial or avoidance. It was time that he coped with his past, and brought the man that hurt him and so many others down.

Spencer had been many things throughout his life; he had always been a genius, he used to be CIA, but now he was an FBI special agent and he knew that the only place he should be was with his team, and his family. He needed them to help him bring the man to justice, but he also needed them to help him cope with everything that had happened.

He raced along the highway knowing exactly where his destination was and what his next move was; the BAU headquarters, and telling his team the truth.

If only things would be that easy...


	10. Chapter 10 - Will's Sudden Realization

The team had spent the entire time trying, without success to solve the case. They knew that what they needed was Spencer, not only for his brain and his knowledge of this case, but also because they felt like a piece of themselves were missing. The team wasn't just a group of trained agents catching bad guys. They had become family and when one of them hurt, they all did and they all worked together to make it better. They knew Spencer was hurting and they knew he needed them as much as they needed him.

JJ kept hoping that Spencer would change his mind and come back to them. However, the stress and worry was becoming too much for her and Hotch could see this.

"Go home JJ," he finally said.

"I need to be here-"

"That's an order," Hotch said, more gently than his usual stern voice, "we'll call you if we find anything or if he returns. I promise."

JJ reluctantly got up and packed up her things, feeling even more annoyed when Will got up too and followed her out.

"Will, I think you'd be more useful here," she told him as she walked out of the conference room.

"Don't be ridiculous JJ, you need me," Will smiled at her and JJ couldn't help but feel guilty.

He cared about her so much, and it wasn't like she didn't care for him too. She really did like him, but her mind and her heart were elsewhere. How did she tell him that without breaking his heart?

'Why would Spence want me anyway? I'm not as brilliant as he is, I'm not even a profiler.'

JJ let Will drive her home as she thought about this. About how Spencer would never actually feel the same way that she felt, and yet there had been a time when she had been worried that he had been interested. She had seen him as just a child, when he had been a newcomer to the BAU.

Spencer had been only twenty one years old, and he had acted so awkward and had seemed to innocent. JJ hadn't been able to see herself with him until later on, when she almost lost that awkward, innocent man to Tobias Hankel. Now JJ wondered if that was just an act, so that no one knew the truth about his past. She was starting to wonder how much of the Spencer she knew, and loved was real. She knew he was a genius and she was sure that he cared about the team, but how much of his personality was truly his? How many of the little quirks that she loved about him so much were real? The Spencer that she now knew she loved with her entire heart, was it truly him or was she in love with someone else? Someone that had been fake, and only an act in order to run away from his past?

When they finally got to her apartment she set her stuff down on the counter and told Will she was going to get changed. She went into her room and found her most comfortable pyjamas and threw them on, before going to brush her teeth and hair as she hadn't in the last couple days.

Will had never been in her apartment before so he took it upon himself to look around. He wasn't snooping around, just walking around and looking at the pictures on the walls and on the shelves.

There were pictures of a varsity soccer team. JJ with a woman and a man (Will assumed they were her Mother and Father) and a pretty young woman. A picture of JJ with that pretty young woman who looked no older than seventeen years old holding a newborn baby girl. There were pictures of that same baby girl growing up, the most recent picture of the girl looked like she was around eight years old. However, there were no recent pictures of the seventeen year old girl who Will assumed was her Mother. There were pictures of JJ with the girls Mother, but they were all pictures of them when they were young. There was also a picture of the little girl, with JJ and JJ's Mother and Father in the other photo, but none of the five of them together with the little girls Mother. There was also a more recent one with only the little girl, JJ's Mother and JJ, without JJ's Father.

'Did JJ have a sister? What happened to her?' Will wondered briefly, he knew that JJ's Father had died a few years ago, but he had never been told about a sister, or a niece.

It was while he was wondering about this that he noticed a picture of JJ with Spencer.

Will had only met Spencer once, during the Jones case and he hadn't seemed like a happy guy, but in this picture he seemed completely different. JJ and him seemed to be at a baseball game and they were both glowing. There were other pictures of the team also, but they seemed to primarily be of Spencer as the centre. It was obvious to Will how much JJ cared about her team, and especially Spencer.

JJ came out of the bathroom and walked over to Will as he looked at the pictures.

"Hey," she said in a monotone voice, unsure of how she felt with him looking around.

"Hey, I was just trying to get to know you better. I wasn't snooping, I promise," Will smiled and JJ couldn't be mad.

She sat down and sighed, wishing that she could just be alone.

"What's wrong JJ?" Will sat beside her and went to hold her hand, but she pulled away.

"I'm just missing Spencer, I'm so worried for him."

"You care about him a lot, don't you? He seems to be the centre piece for a lot of these photos."

JJ smiled, "he'll only let someone take photos of him if I ask, or if I'm in it with him."

Will nodded, he had noticed that all the photos with Spencer had JJ with him. Her arms were around him or his around hers, possibly in a platonic way, but Will didn't think so.

"He obviously cares about you a lot..."

"He does, at least I thought he did," JJ couldn't help the tears that came up into her eyes, "I feel like I don't really know him."

"I'm sure you do, he kept one secret JJ. A big secret sure, but he's still the man you know, and love, right?"

JJ looked up at Will and he smiled a sad smile, "you care about him a lot, you've been acting strange and have been so worried-"

"He's my friend! Of course I'm worried. I don't like where you're going with this-"

"Neither do I JJ, but it's obvious," Will said gently, "I don't need to be a profiler, or even know him to see it. You've never been one hundred percent into our relationship-"

"That's not true!" JJ stood up and looked at Will angrily, "I have always been one hundred percent in! I'd never play games with you or fake affection, I'm not like that! I really do like you and I've meant every word I've ever said-"

"I know, but you've never felt the same way as I do or at least not as much. You've alw-"

"We've only been dating seven months Will! You can't expect me to fall in love with you immediately! It's true that maybe I don't fall fast or easily, but I do care about you!"

"I know we haven't been dating that long and I don't expect that at all, but you've always held back. For the last seven months you've been holding back and I thought it might just be because of the Tobias Hankel thing, but now I know it's more. You're in love wi-"

"Don't say it!" JJ cried, "please, don't say it! I can't handle you and Derek doing this right now!"

"Agent Morgan knows top then? It's true what I'm thinking, isn't it? If he knows and you already know what I'm about to say," Will had remained calm, but he felt hurt as he watched JJ cry, "JJ, you haven't done anything wrong here, but we can't keep on trying to make this work when it won't."

"You don't know if it won't work!" JJ had sat back down and had her head in her hands, Will had sat beside her.

"Yes, I do because you can't make a relationship work with someone when your heart belongs to another. You don't deserve that JJ, and neither does he... neither do I-"

"I never meant to hurt you Will!"

"I know that, but this will hurt me if we try to force it and it fails, which it will. This will also hurt you, it already is. It'll hurt him-"

"He doesn't love me-"

"I think he does, you can tell by the way he looks at you in these pictures. The way he holds you close, and the way you look and hold him..." Will wished JJ would feel that way about him, but knew she never would.

He touched her chin and raised it so she was looking at him, "I'm going to let you go, because you aren't mine. You belong to him, and he belongs to you-"

"I don't even know him-"

"Yes, you do JJ, you know his heart because it's yours. I will always care about you and the team, but I can't hold onto someone whose heart is elsewhere."

JJ wiped her tears and sniffled, "Will... I'm sorry-"

"Don't be, you have nothing to apologize for. Just promise me you'll tell him how you feel and maybe if he doesn't feel the same, which I'm sure he does, we can give it a shot later when you've moved on because I'd be a lucky man to get to be with you."

JJ smiled, "if he doesn't love me, I think you're the next best thing."

Will smiled too and helped her stand up. He walked over to the door, never letting go of her hand.

"I don't want to be anyone's second pick, and I don't want to be with someone who'll always be wondering what their life would've been like with someone else. All three of us deserve more than that."

JJ nodded, "I never thought of you as a second pick, I didn't mean for any of this, I did-"

"I know, you only just realized how you felt for him, but I believe and I think you know now that these feelings have been there for a while," Will turned to her and wiped a tear off her cheek before kissing it.

"I hope that we can all be friends someday, but for now I need to return to New Orleans. I've got cases of my own to work on, but let me know when Spencer's home, okay? Just so I know that you're going to be okay..."

JJ hugged him and Will wrapped his arms around her tightly, but only for a moment.

"I'll call you, and I hope we can be friends too. Thank you Will."

Will nodded and left, trying to not cry as his heart broke. He truly loved JJ, but he had always known that she hadn't, and possibly couldn't love him, especially since Spencer left. Looking at those photos and talking to her only made him understand why she couldn't love him.

Richard Bach said "If you love someone, set them free; if they come back, they're yours. If they don't, they never were."

JJ wouldn't be going back to Will, but she also may never get the chance to tell Spencer how she feels about him either...

 _I tried my best to do a smooth change and show how Will looking at the photos made him realize JJ's love for Spencer, but I think it was a little blunt. Oh well, I wish break ups were that easy in real life, don't you?_

 _This story has gotten a lot more followers than I had thought it would, and especially in the short time! So, thank you so much! I hope you're all still enjoying the story, I know it's getting mushy, but next chapter will be more... action packed? I left it on a cliffhanger, can you guess what's going to happen?_

 _Please, review and let me know how you feel about the story so far! I'd love to know if you're enjoying it, and that I'm not going somewhere you guys don't like. Thanks again to all the people following this story._

 _Also, thank you Anna for prompting this story. I hope you're enjoying it!_


	11. Chapter 11 - Returning & Explanation

_After Will left, JJ sat down on the couch and sighed. She decided she'd lay down and try to have a nap, then she'd head back to BAU headquarters to help the team find Spencer._

 _It wasn't long after she had fallen asleep that there was a knock on the door. She didn't hear it as she had been so exhausted that she had quickly fallen into a deep sleep. After a couple moments the door opened and a man walked in._

 _The man walked over to the couch where JJ was laying and looked down at her. He smiled, and upon seeing the photos around the apartment knew he had the right place. He walked through the rest of the apartment and once he found the bathroom he started the water and waited for the tub to fill..._

Spencer had just pulled into the BAU parking lot. He got out of the rented car and quickly made his way inside the building. People looked at him strangely when they first saw him, they recognized him, but just barely because he looked very different with short, black hair.

The team was still in the conference room trying to solve the case, but they weren't getting anywhere. They had all the files since Penelope had hacked into the CIA database, but the victims didn't seem to have anything else in common that would let them know who their killer was. The man had covered his tracks well, and without a living victim such as Spencer, they were worried they wouldn't find this guy.

"I hate this," Derek finally said, "I hate that we can't crack the case."

"We need to keep trying, there has to be something here that we're missing," Hotch tried to reassure him, but Emily spoke up.

"We're missing Reid," everyone was looking at her, "not only because he knows the case, but also because he always sees the things we can't. He has always been like that-"

"That's really sweet Emily. Thanks."

Everybody had been looking at Emily, except for Penelope who had seen Spencer quietly slip in and lean against the wall beside the door.

Penelope got up and rushed over to him, embracing him and saying "you came back! Don't you ever do that to us again Spencer, we've been worried sick!"

Spencer smiled, "I won't, I promise."

Emily was smiling, but the other three men could only look at him in surprised and for Derek, anger.

Spencer noticed this so he walked towards the table and started explaining himself, hoping that they'd all understand, especially Derek who had become his best friend in the last few years.

"I tried to leave, but I realized that I'm tired of running and hiding, and that if anyone could help me find him it'd be you guys. You're the best FBI agents in this place, but not only that- I also realized that if there's a guy that's going to kill me, I'd much rather be with you. You guys care about me and have always protected me, and you've never given up on me."

Spencer had been looking at everyone as he said this, but then he focused in on Derek.

"I've realized how much I need you, all of you but maybe especially you because you've become like a brother to me. I never meant to care about any of you like this, I've always tried to distance myself and you all know why-"

The team knew Spencer still struggled with abandonment and trust issues because of his Father leaving when he was young.

"I'm not going to deny it anymore, I've been even more afraid to open up since Gideon left. I went through I really hard time after Hankel, and I felt like I was left alone all over again to cope with something that was honestly just too much to cope with on my own. When the case file fell into my hands I felt like that was happening again. I was being handed something I couldn't cope with it by myself, but now I see I don't have to."

Penelope hugged him again and Hotch gave him one of those rare smiles, Rossi was also smiling, but Spencer was only paying attention to Derek whose face had softened. However, he still looked angry, and hurt?

"How could you think you had to handle this alone Reid?" Derek asked, there was an edge to his voice and whether it was anger or maybe being on the verge of tears it didn't matter because the team cared about each other and would never judge.

"I don't know, I guess that's what I'm used to and I didn't want to lose you guys because of this."

"How could you think you'd lose us though?! We've always been there for you the best we could be, you said it yourself!"

Derek had gotten up and was no longer trying to keep his composure. He felt completely betrayed, and Spencer understood this.

"I was scared that you guys would hate me for lying, I was afraid you'd think that I wasn't me, but I am. I'm still the same guy Derek, I'm still your best friend. I know you feel betrayed, I know you have problems trusting people after what happened to you and I feel so honoured that you managed to trust me. I'm sorry that I broke that trust, but you have to understand that I was only trying to protect myself... like you were."

Rossi was looking between the two men before looking at the other three members of the team with a confused expression because Rossi didn't know what Spencer was talking about when he said 'like you were.'

The team knew though; Spencer was referring to how Derek had lied to them about Carl Buford because he hadn't been able to trust them, and he was afraid of anybody finding out the truth about what had happened to him. Derek had only been trying to protect himself, but back then Spencer had felt a little betrayed too. He hadn't understood why Derek wouldn't have at least trusted him with the truth, he supposed now that he was a hypocrite.

"I could never hate you pretty boy," Derek understood what Spencer was saying and he couldn't stay mad once he heard his explanation, "I trusted you because you have always been honest with me, even when you thought I was acting like a jerk-"

"I've always been who I really am with you. I kept a big secret about who I am and for that I'm sorry, but everything I said and everything I did throughout the years has been me."

"We know that," Hotch stated, "at least I did, and I knew that you had your reasons for keeping this secret Reid. I understood and I trust that everyone else does too."

Emily nodded, she certainly understood everything Spencer was feeling. Penelope had felt hurt at finding out Spencer's secret, but mostly because of how he had been hurt and how afraid she knew he must have felt running and hiding from his past for so long. She had forgiven him, and to Hotch and Rossi there was nothing to forgive.

Derek stood there looking at Spencer and after several moments said, "I don't think you've always been completely honest about who you are and what you can do, from what happened at the apartment you seem to have better self defence skills. You'll have to show me some CIA moves sometime."

Spencer smiled and knew that at least Derek seemed open to forgiving him. He knew Derek and him would have to talk later, but he was sure that Derek understood and that they'd be able to stay best friends/brothers after this was all said and done.

'If you survive it,' a voice in Spencer's head said, but he shook it off because he didn't have time for anxiety.

Right now, Spencer needed to speak to JJ because he knew that she'd be even more hurt than Derek, but he didn't see her anywhere.

"Where's JJ?" He asked once he and Derek had sat down, beside each other.

"I sent her home, she wasn't doing well," Hotch answered.

This hurt Spencer and he stood back up quickly, "I need to go, I need to talk to her."

"We need to solve the case Reid, you can speak to JJ later-"

"No, I need to go to her now Hotch," Spencer told him firmly, "you have to understand-"

"Let him go, maybe now that we know he's okay we'll be able to focus and he'll come right back with her," Derek added.

Hotch nodded, "go quickly, and Spencer-"

Spencer stopped at the door as he had already gotten up and hurried towards the door.

"You better come back," Spencer smiled and looked at his team one more time before leaving the room.

Once again, Spencer was leaving the BAU headquarters, but he had full intention of returning after he had spoken with JJ.

If the team felt like they had Spencer back and solving the case would be easy, they were wrong.

Things wouldn't be easy, wouldn't fall into place the way Spencer had hoped. Spencer had been right about the case file falling into his hands and changing everything.

Things weren't ever going to be the same.


	12. Chapter 12 - The Message

JJ was asleep on the couch still unaware of the man in her apartment. That man was now sitting in a chair watching her sleep.

"Jennifer Jareau," the man said loudly.

When he got no reply he stood up and walked over to the couch, leaning over and shaking her gently.

JJ stirred and after a couple moments looked up to see the stranger above her. She gasped and sat up.

"Hello JJ," the man smiled pleasantly, "I'm here to deliver a message."

JJ looked at the man and tried to remain calm.

She replied in a shaky voice, "what's your message?"

"You are."

Before JJ could react the man grabbed her by her hair and pulled her up, throwing her into her coffee table, which broke and the glass cut into JJ's hands. She let out a cry of pain and tried to get up, but the man put his foot on her back and pushed her down. He then knelt down and used his one leg to keep her pinned.

"I'm very sorry about this JJ," the man said, sounding sincere, "you have nothing to do with this, but I need to finish what I started and that means sending a message to your beloved _Doctor_ Reid."

The man stood back up and kicked JJ in the stomach forcing her onto her back. JJ felt anger rise inside of her as she put together who this man was.

"You're the one that hurt Spence, aren't you?" She asked angrily, not really needing confirmation.

The man smiled again, "you look so angry, you must love him very much... it's a shame that you have to be a part of this."

He leaned down and pulled her up roughly. When she was standing in front of him wearing a look of pure hatred on her face he gently moved a piece of hair that was in front of her face.

"You're such a pretty woman, and Agent Reid is such a good, innocent guy-"

"Then why are you doing this?" JJ growled.

"Because I need to prove my point, I need to make John understand and killing Agent Reid is the only way. Unfortunately, he once again escaped my grasp and seems to have gone back into hiding... I know he'll come back out because he has something to lose now. I need to show him there's no escape from me."

The man punched JJ square in her face, knocking her back down to the ground, "I've never failed before, and so I need to fix my mistake."

He leaned over her and began punching her in the face repeatedly, JJ tried shielding herself, but found that she was too defenceless in the position she was in. She tried to turn over and get up, but the man only alternated to kicking her in the stomach. She cried out in pain and instinctively curled up to protect her organs. She waited until he stopped beating her before pushing up onto her hands and knees.

The man looked at her, almost panting as hard as she was, "I don't like doing this, you know?"

JJ glared at the man before standing up, groaning at the pain coming from her abdomen, face and mildly from the cuts on her hands.

"You don't need to do this, you can stop and-"

"I can't stop!" The man screamed, grabbing JJ's upper arms roughly, "don't you understand what I said?! I need to give Agent Reid a message! I need to kill him and the only way to get to him is by doing this to you! When he arrives here to apologize for leaving you he's going to get the shock of his life and he'll come after me!"

The man pulled JJ out of the living room and into the adjoined dining area. There he threw JJ back to the ground, she tried crawling away, but he grabbed one of the wooden chairs from the table and slammed it down onto her back. She let out another cry of pain, but tried her best to recover quickly and get away from the man. All she needed to do was get out of her apartment, but it wasn't that easy. The man grabbed her by her hair again and pulled her up, pulling her until her back was flush against his chest. He wrapped one of his arms around her waist and pulled her head back so he could whisper in her ear.

" _Doctor_ Reid is a lucky man to have caught the attention of a beauty like you, but he won't recognize you by the time I'm done with you."

The man pulled JJ backwards closer to the bathroom, and she knew what was going to happen next so she kicked and grabbed everything she could as she started screaming, hoping a neighbour would hear the commotion and call the police.

"Somebody help me! Please-!" JJ stopped screaming when the man covered her mouth with a cloth.

"I've been doing this for twenty seven years JJ, I always come prepared for a screamer. I think it's time we take this somewhere else."

The last thought JJ had was that the cloth smelled funny, and then she thought and felt nothing as she slipped into unconsciousness...

Spencer pulled into JJ's apartment buildings parking lot and quickly went up to her apartment.

"JJ, it's Spencer," he said when he knocked, "JJ?"

He opened the door, which had been unlocked and went in.

"No-" he gasped as he felt like the wind had been knocked out of him as he took in the scene.

The glass coffee table was broken and there was tiny spots of blood from the coffee table to the dining room. A chair was laying on the ground, and the other chairs were in disarray and somethings had been knocked off the walls and off the table. As if someone had kicked them or knocked them down purposely.

Spencer quickly recovered from the shock and ran to the bathroom, which seemed to not have been touched at all except for the full bathtub.

'He must have taken her somewhere else... I knew this would happen, I never should ha-'

It was in the middle of this thought that he noticed something was different about the bathroom, there was a note laying on the counter.

 _Agent Reid,_

 _You will come to the warehouse at the address provided below and you will come alone and without notifying anybody. I will know if you alert your friends. Don't wonder how, we both know that I have ways._

 _I gave your little girlfriend a makeover, but she's alive and she will remain alive if you meet me when and where you're supposed to, and only if you follow the rules._

 _Rule number one: Don't alert your friends._

 _Rule number two: Don't bring any weapons._

 _Rule number three: Don't bring any recording device or a phone._

 _Do you understand the rules Doctor? I trust you do._

 _Meet me at the address below at midnight tonight and we will settle this for good, like CIA agents._

 _100 Potomac Ave, Quantico, Virginia_

Spencer ran out of the apartment, the note clutched tightly in his hand. He ran to his rented car and drove quickly out of the parking lot. He still had a few hours to spare, and he had a stop to make before heading to the given address.

'Just hold on for me JJ, I'm coming.'


	13. Chapter 13 - The Warehouse

It was 11:55pm, and Spencer was parked on the side of the road. He was staring at the warehouse that he would soon be entering to find JJ. He watched the clock, waiting for it to strike midnight.

11:59pm, Spencer got out of the car and began walking up to the warehouse door. His watch beeped when it was time and he rose his hand to knock, but found he didn't need to because the warehouse door was opening automatically.

It was a storage unit and the door opened like a car garage. This warehouse was right beside the Potomac river and Spencer shivered as he entered the unit. He wasn't sure if the shiver was caused by the 46.4 Fahrenheit weather or by the situation.

"JJ!" Spencer called out as the units door closed automatically behind him.

He looked at the door close and felt his heartbeat speed up as the unit had no lights in it. He reached into his satchel and pulled out a flashlight.

"JJ?" He started walking forward, but then his phone rang, "shit-"

"I said no phones," the lights turned on and Spencer saw the man standing in the far corner of the rather large unit.

Spencer put his hands in the air so the man could see what he was doing, "I didn't call anyone I swear. I only brought it for the directions here-"

"You have a GPS _Doctor_ Reid," the man said sharply before he smirked, "take the battery out and empty your bag on the table."

Spencer did as he was told with his phone and then walked over to the table and dumped his bag.

Spencer kept his eyes on the man who had been standing in the corner, but he wasn't alone. The man was standing beside a chair that was facing the wall. Spencer saw her, with a pillowcase over her head and the man was holding a gun to her.

After doing what he was told he walked slowly around the table towards the man.

"Alright, I'm here so-"

"Take that metal detector and run it up and down yourself," the man commanded.

Spencer had noticed a metal detector laying on the table and had hoped that the man would forget about it. He took it and ran it over his arms, chest and left leg.

"The other leg too," the man said as Spencer hadn't done his right.

Spencer did as he was told and groaned when the detector beeped.

"Show it to me slowly," the man growled, "and remember that I can blow the head off your girlfriend at any moment."

Spencer pulled a gun out of his boot and put it above his head.

"Throw me the gun," Spencer followed the man's instructions.

The man got the gun and took the bullets out, pocketing them and throwing the gun to the far side of the unit before turning his gun from JJ to Spencer.

"Well, well this is quite the predicament you are in _Doctor."_

"Why's JJ being so quiet?" Spencer asked.

"She has got tape over her mouth and I told her to keep her mouth shut."

"Show me-"

"You aren't in any place to be making demands!"

"I followed all your instructions so please, just let me see that she's alive-"

"You can tell she's alive-"

"She's tied to a chair and isn't moving or making a sound, I can't tell-"

The man roughly spun the chair around, pulled the pillowcase off her head and then ripped the tape off of her mouth. JJ let out a cry of pain, Spencer could barely see her face, but he knew that she was alive and for now that was enough.

"Spence!" JJ cried and looked over at him, but she was unable to see him much either in the dim light of the unit.

"Shut up!" The man yelled, "this little game of cat and mouse is over Agent Reid."

"It doesn't have to end like this," Spencer said in a soothing voice, "we can work something out. Just give me the gun and let me call my friends. I'm sure I can get you a deal if you spare our lives and turn yourself in. You don't have to kill us, if you do they-"

"They what?! Will come find me?!" The man laughed, "the CIA hasn't been able to find me, what makes you think that your little FBI friends will be able to?"

"They're the best, much better than John and when they find you they won't hold back. You'll go down in a hail of bullets-"

"I don't believe that, they didn't even know that you were lying the entire time and they weren't able to get anywhere in the case until you returned. I know you went to John's office Agent Reid, and I know why he sent you the file. He thought you were the only-"

"He wanted to protect me!" Spencer interrupted the man as he knew where he was going with his sentence.

"He was using you Genius!" The man screamed back, "you think he sent you the file to protect you?! If that was the case he would've sent it years ago! He couldn't track me down, but he trusted that you could because you know me! However, he ruined you."

The man took a couple deep breaths before continuing, "you had a life _Doctor_ Reid, and he purposely ruined that for you. You had a team, and a family that you loved. A woman, that you loved and he sent you that case file and turned your life upside down for his own selfish needs. He doesn't care about anyone, but him-"

"That's not true! He cares about me and he cared about you! He never meant for us to get hurt-!"

"You're still defending him?! Defending him although he's the reason that you got attacked, twice and that you're here?! That your girlfriend and you are about to die! This is his fault Agent Reid, all of this is! I never wanted to kill anyone!"

"Then you shouldn't have! You didn't need to kill, he didn't make you!" Spencer rubbed his face roughly and tried to regain his short lived calm composure.

"Listen, I know what happened to you. I know how much you got hurt and I'm sorry that you weren't more protected. You should have been given more protection, we all should have been, but that doesn't make him the reason for what you've done."

The man stared at Spencer with a look of pure hatred, "I'm not to blame here Agent Reid. I'm trying to protect young CIA agents, and if some had to die then that's too bad, but sometimes lives need to be sacrificed to do the right thing. Your life included-"

"Spence!" JJ screamed as the shot suddenly rang out and Spencer fell to the ground, the bullet hitting him straight in the chest.

 _... I hope you liked this chapter, and that you're enjoying the story. Thank you again to Annajadekin for prompting this story. I hope you most especially are enjoying the story. Thanks also to my 39 followers and to all the people who have reviewed this story. You guys are definitely boosting my confidence. Please, review and let me know how you feel about it so far. The storie's coming to an end (I may make an epilogue, does anyone like that idea?) and I don't want to disappoint._

 _Next chapter will be up in a couple days._


	14. Chapter 14 - Finding Nothing

The team had been sitting in the conference room working on the case the best they could until Spencer returned with JJ. After a couple hours however, they knew something was off.

"Morgan, Prentiss I want you two to go to JJ's apartment and see what's taking them so long," Hotch finally said.

Derek and Emily nodded and got up to leave, "take a vest and your guns. Treat it like you're walking onto a scene."

Emily and Derek looked at Hotch questioningly.

"You think something has gone down?" Derek asked.

"I'm not sure, but they should be back by now."

"Should we take back up?" Emily added to Derek's question.

"No, but be ready to call for it. I don't think you'll have anything to worry about if something has gone wrong."

The two agents left the conference room and went to get their vest.

"You think something happened to them, don't you?" Rossi asked.

"Like I said, they should be back by now," Hotch replied, a sinking feeling had started in his stomach, "let's get back to work, Garcia tell me again about the victims you found..."

While Aaron, David and Penelope were at BAU headquarters trying to break the case without Spencer, Emily and Derek were in their van driving to JJ's apartment.

"Do you think they're okay?" Emily had asked Derek.

"I don't know, Hotch was right about them being back by now," Derek answered, "Spencer left three hours ago, it's not like JJ's apartment is very far."

"But the unsub wouldn't have gone after JJ, that's not in his profile-"

"This man is desperate though, he'll do anything to prove to the CIA that they failed him and that means killing Reid."

"How would going after JJ help him get to Reid though?"

"Spencer cares about her more than anyone else on the team, and she feels the same way about him."

"They aren't-?" Emily began smiling.

"They probably will be sooner or later. JJ knows how she feels about him, now all we need is for Will to get out of the way and for Pretty Boy to get a clue."

Emily laughed, "I can't believe I'm gossiping with ladies man Derek Morgan about our Reid, especially with JJ?! I mean, I suppose I'm not surprised-"

Derek smiled, "there's a first for everything, I think Reid has more moves than he lets on and I'm not just talking about defence either."

"Yeah, I was surprised with how well he stood his ground when that man attacked him in his apartment," Emily said, "I don't want to say it, but I always wondered how he had made it into the FBI with how frail he seems."

"He's a CIA agent, he's anything but frail," Derek replied, "even before I knew about that I always knew Reid was strong. Maybe not physically, but he's strong willed and knows how to survive. He did amazing with Hankel, I just wish I had known about the Dilaudid sooner and that I had done something about it."

"It wasn't your fault," Emily reassured him, "none of us did anything even after we started suspecting."

"What if he relapses because of this though?"

"We won't let him Morgan, we're here for him and we won't let him go down that road again. He's stronger than he looks, just like you said."

"I was so proud of how he survived Hankel, I couldn't have blamed him if he had lost his head, but he didn't," Derek went on, "he kept his cool and saved himself. I don't know if we would've found him in time if he hadn't given us that clue. I'm proud of him, I'd trust him with my life."

"I would too," Emily agreed.

"I still can't believe he didn't trust us with all this."

"He was afraid Morgan, just like you were about telling us about Buford."

"I guess you're right, I just wish he had trusted me enough to tell me. He's like a brother to me."

"Did you trust him with tbe truth about Buford? Before we found out ourselves, I mean?" Emily asked.

"No," Derek answered after a few moments of silence.

The rest of the ride was silent as Derek thought about how Spencer must have felt coping all alone for so long, with so much. Derek was intent on making sure Spencer never felt alone again, and that he knew he could trust the team, especially him.

When they got to the apartment building they went straight up to JJ's apartment and noticed immediately that the door had been left open. They pulled out their guns and entered slowly, both of them gasped at the scene in front of them.

The broken coffee table, the spots of blood, the chair laying on the ground and the things that had been knocked off the walls and table. The living room and the dining room was a mess.

Emily went straight into the bathroom, "the tub in full of water Morgan, but it doesn't look like they made it that far."

"He came after JJ to kill her and send a message to Reid, what stopped him from finishing her off?" Derek wondered aloud.

"Maybe Reid came in and stopped him?" Emily suggested.

"No, I don't think so," Derek continued talking to her as he looked around the apartment, "if Reid had come in there would've been more of a struggle and someone, whether it was himself, JJ or the man would've ended up dead. Or at least critical injured."

"So, what do you think happened?"

"I'm not sure, something doesn't make sense. I think we're missing something, let's head back to headquarters and get the CSI guys down here."

"I'll give Reid a call too, maybe we can find him and get him to meet us there," Emily said as they walked out of the apartment.

Garcia had been down in her office while Aaron and David were still in the conference room. They were going through the files, anxiously awaiting Derek and Emily's return, hopefully with JJ and Spencer in toe.

Aaron's phone rang and when he saw it was Morgan the knot in his stomach somehow got tighter.

"Morgan, did you find them?" He asked in an urgent voice, his stern demeanour gone.

"No Hotch, but there's a mess here. JJ must have been attacked, but he didn't manage to finish the job. He didn't even make it to the drowning part of his ritual."

"Did Spencer walk in on it?" Aaron asked.

David sat straight up in his chair wanting to know what was being said.

"I don't think so, there's not that much of a struggle and there's not much blood. I think he may have taken her somewhere else before Reid got here."

"That doesn't match his profile-" Aaron thought aloud.

"What's going on?" David interrupted.

"Morgan and Prentiss went to JJ's apartment and it seems like JJ was attacked, but she wasn't killed. He stopped before even starting to drown her, but there's not enough of a struggle to say that Reid got there and interrupted him."

"What's the damage?" David asked.

Derek heard his question over the phone and answered, "coffee table's broken, dining room chairs are all over the place and photos are off the wall. Everything on the counters and tables were also knocked over, probably on purpose. I'm thinking she put up too much of a fight and so he took her somewhere."

"Good, that means she could still be alive," David said, "he may even keep her alive to draw Reid out, Morgan were there any notes left for Reid?"

"Not that we found, but who knows if Pretty Boy has been here already and took the note with him."

"Why wouldn't he have called us though?" Aaron wondered as procedure would've been to call and make a plan with them to save her.

"He could have threatened him, and told him not to come to us. This man was a CIA agent, he knows stuff that even we don't know," David answered before Derek could.

"That's what I was thinking, but I was hoping that wouldn't be the case," Derek sighed, "I wish Pretty Boy would come to us and trust us to help him."

"I don't think it's just about trust Morgan, he knows what this man's capable of and he's doing his best to save JJ. He cares about her a lot more than just a regular colleague, that's always been evident to me," David replied.

"We need to find them and bring them home, before it's too late," Aaron added, "have you guys tried calling him?"

"Prentiss is just doing that right now-"

"I haven't gotten an answer," Emily said, "but I'll keep trying."

Aaron got even more worried, "get back here, we need to find Reid before JJ. Finding him will either help us find her or take us to her."

Aaron hung up and Emily and Derek raced back to them as fast as they could.

"I think that's a waste of time, Reid would've already gotten there," David told Aaron, "the only explanation is that he went after them, to save her."

"I don't know if we can find her without him though," Aaron admitted, sitting down in a chair and rubbing his face roughly, "I can't stand not being able to solve this case without him-"

"You can't stand feeling helpless," David corrected, "you can't stand that you couldn't protect them."

"They're my team Rossi, I'm supposed to protect them and keep them safe the best I can. I've failed them, and I've already done so too many times, especially with Reid. I shouldn't have let them go alone. I keep making the same mistakes, I made this same-"

David knew where this was going and stopped Aaron in his tracks, "Hotch, what happened to that Elle girl wasn't your fault."

"I sent her home alone when we were all in danger, just like I did with JJ and now Reid."

"We didn't realize that he'd go after JJ-"

"Gideon and I didn't think Randall Garner would go after Elle either, but he did," Aaron sat with his head in his hands, racked with guilt.

When David tried to reassure him again that what had happened and what was happening wasn't his fault Aaron said;

"We need to focus on finding JJ and Reid right now, that's the only thing that matters. We can cope with everything else later."

While this was happening Spencer had been preparing himself to go save JJ, but the team wouldn't figure things out in time.

Spencer had gotten shot at pointblank range while trying to save JJ, what was his fate? Would the team be too late to save JJ?

Would anyone get out of that warehouse alive?

The guilt, and fear that Hotch, and the rest of the team were feeling would be nothing compared to how they'd feel after the night came to an end.

The team had no idea at that time that in only a few hours, nothing would ever be the same again.


	15. Chapter 15 - The End

" _I'm trying to protect young CIA agents, and if some had to die then that's too bad, but sometimes lives need to be sacrificed to do the right thing. Your life included-"_

" _Spence!" JJ screamed as the shot suddenly rang out and Spencer fell to the ground, the bullet hitting him straight in the chest._

The shot echoed through the air and JJ screamed, tears rolling down her face as she struggled against her binds to get to Spencer.

The man laughed, "Finally! All this running around has been tiring."

He looked at the gun in his hand, "I should consider shooting people more often, it's faster and cleaner, but then again it's less enjoyable."

He seemed deep in thought and completely ignorant that JJ was still there, staring at Spencer's body in disbelief. Her hair stuck to her face where her tears had fallen, her face was black and blue and her body was beaten and cut, but none of that seemed to matter. The only thing that seemed to matter was the crushing agony that had hit her when that shot rang out, looking at the man she loved more than anything and realizing that she had never gotten to tell him she loved him. She started to gasp for air through her sobs because she felt like her lungs had been crushed, and her body shook with a feeling she couldn't quite identify.

"No," JJ cried, over and over again because she was unable to believe it.

The man became aware of her presence again when he heard her sobbing loudly.

"Don't worry JJ, you'll be joining your beloved Spencer soon enough. As sorry as I am about having to kill you, it's necessary. I can't have my victims walking around free. That's too dangerous for me besides, based on your reaction to his death I'd say you-"

"Don't," JJ interrupted, "don't you dare apologize for this! You don't mean it! You're just a sick freak that gets off on murdering innocent people and ruining lives! There's no excuse for what you've done and I don't even think it was about revenge at all! You ch-"

JJ stopped yelling at him when he slapped her in the face and growled, "you're just a stupid blonde bitch that doesn't know what she's talking about! I was helping people by showing everyone the truth behind John and what he fails to do! I was saving lives by trying to make him understand that he had to protect us!"

JJ was shaking her head and staring at him with a look of pure hatred, "no, Spence saves lives! You're one of the guys that he hunts down and he would've if you hadn't played dirty by kidnapping me! What kind of man would do what you did, huh? Use someone to hurt another like that? A cowardly one, it's that simple! You're a-"

The man screamed and grabbed her upper arms, pulling her up as much as he could considering the fact that she was tied to a chair.

"Shut up! You've got no idea what you're talking about! I've spent years proving a point so that this wouldn't happen again!"

"The only point you proved is that you're a monster, and a cowardly one at that!" JJ spat back defiantly.

She didn't care if this man beat her or killed her because she was so angry that any trace of her training was gone. She just wanted to scream at this man for what he had done, just wanted to tell him the truth despite knowing he wouldn't listen.

"I was going to give you a fast death," the man said, letting go of her and speaking in a dangerous tone, "but I think I'll go back to my original plan."

JJ's breath was slow and shallow as she sat there watching the man look at her, and she was wondering what the original plan was, but realized that it didn't matter. She was filled with defiance and hatred and over anything else, pain because of what had happened to Spencer.

The man advanced on JJ again, his hands about to grab her throat to choke her when she gasped.

"What is it?" The man asked.

He was confused because he hadn't even touched her yet and her expression wasn't a look of terror, but rather surprise and... happiness.

JJ smiled and the man asked her again why, but then he noticed that she wasn't even looking at him. She was looking _behind_ him.

He turned slowly, a feeling of dread and anger filling him at what he saw next.

"Step away from her or I'll kill you."

Spencer was standing there with only a little blood coming from the side of his mouth, pointing his gun straight at the man.

"How-?" He started asking, taking a couple steps away from JJ and putting his hands in the air.

Spencer kept his gun trained on the man while his other hand unbuttoned a few top buttons of his shirt. About five buttons down he pulled it open a bit, far enough to reveal a bullet proof vest.

"This wasn't on the list of demands," Spencer said with a smirk.

The man looked at him with fury, "you- I had you-!"

He sputtered for a few moments before saying, "you think you're so smart, don't you _Doctor_ Reid?"

"I don't need an IQ of 187 to think about putting on a vest when I'm going to meet with a serial killer. Now, why don't you just come over here and let me arrest you? This doesn't have to end with you having a bullet in your head."

The man stayed silent for a few more moments, just staring at Spencer with a confused expression before laughing.

"It doesn't, does it?" He asked, his laughter filled the warehouse and sent chills down JJ's spine again, "I disagree! This isn't going to be over until one of us is dead _Agent_."

"It doesn't have-" Spencer began repeating, but before he could finish or react the man had lunged at him, tackling him to the ground to get the gun from his hand.

The two men struggled with each other; landing punches wherever they could and kneeing each other trying to throw the other off. They rolled around on the ground for a few minutes struggling before Spencer managed to get the man off of him by hitting him over the head with the gun.

He stood up quickly and ran over to JJ, pulling the knife that he had also gotten off the table out before cutting one of her binds loose.

"Spence!" JJ screamed, as the man had gotten up and was advancing on them again.

Spencer turned, "just stop! It doesn't have to end like this!"

"Yes, it does! I need to prove my point, I need to make John see!" The man screamed.

"This isn't proving a point, this is murder! You're a murderer, that's all you've ever been and if you don't stop this that's what you'll die being!"

"No, you and your little girlfriend are the ones dying tonight!"

The man went to punch Spencer, but he blocked it and grabbed his arm, throwing him against the wall and pulling the gun out on him again. Spencer accidentally dropped the knife when he did this.

"I will shoot you!" He said, but he found that his hand shook for some unknown reason as he spoke.

"You won't shoot me," the man replied once he had gotten up, wiping his lip and starting to walk over to Spencer, "you won't shoot me because you don't have it in you."

"You tried to kill my JJ, and I will shoot you if it means protecting her. Anyway, this wouldn't be the first time I've shot someone."

The man had picked up the knife and lunged at Spencer again. JJ screamed and the gun went off as Spencer tried shooting the man, but the bullet only grazed his arm and he was so full of adrenaline that he barely noticed as he tackled Spencer back to the ground.

The knife went directly into Spencer's side, exactly where his stitched up gun wound was and he let out a cry of pain.

"How are those stitches _Doctor_?" The man asked with an evil smirk.

He pulled Spencer up while he was distracted by the pain and pushed him up against the wall beside the chair that JJ was sitting in, punching the same area again and again before throwing Spencer to the ground.

He hit the ground hard, but despite the serious wound he had to the side of his abdomen he got up quickly and stopped the man from stabbing JJ, who he had been advancing on.

"I won't let you hurt her," Spencer screamed, pulling the man by his hair before spinning him around and punching him squarely in the face.

The man fell to the ground, the back of his head slamming against the concrete floor. Spencer stood above him, his breathing shallow. He started to sit up, but Spencer leaned down, grabbed him by shoulder and punched it with all the strength he could muster.

The man let out a cry of pain as Spencer had purposely re-injured his shoulder, which he had stabbed back in his apartment only a couple days before.

"How's your arm?" Spencer asked, his voice full of anger.

JJ had been watching all of this with horror, but despite the severeness of the situation she couldn't help noticing how Spencer had called her _his_ JJ. She sat there with one of her hands free, watching as Spencer and the man began struggling with each other again.

During all this struggle the gun that had been in Spencer's hand had been dropped, and had slid over to JJ's chair. She noticed this and tried to get it with her free hand, moving herself out of the chair as much as she could considering the fact that her other hand was still bound.

Spencer screamed and JJ looked up to see that the man had gotten on top of him and was strangling him.

"I'm not losing this game Agent Reid! I need to at least kill _you_! It's the only way John will understand!"

Spencer's vision began to get blurry and the hands around his throat only got tighter, blood had risen to his throat due to the reopened wound and the pressure around his neck. He attacked the man's face, driving his finger into one of his eye sockets.

"Fuck!" His hands were gone and Spencer saw him a couple of feet away, moaning in pain with his hands over his eyes.

Spencer rolled over and breathed in as much air into his lungs as he could before pushing himself up, resisting his bodies urge to stop moving through the searing pain.

He ran over to JJ once again and finished untying her, grabbing the gun that was still beside her chair.

"Spence!" JJ embraced him and he returned the embrace for only a moment before turning around again.

"This is done," Spencer said, exhaustion was clear in his voice and he couldn't ignore the agonizing pain he was in.

The man had started standing up, but seemed weak and almost too exhausted to fight anymore.

"No," he moaned, "it can't end like this..."

Spencer had the gun raised and pointed directly at him, JJ was holding onto Spencer's arm and was behind him.

"Please, I don't want it to end with you dying," Spencer was sincere as he spoke, "I understand how angry and hurt you are. I can't deny that I was angry with John myself for not protecting me, but this isn't the answer. You've been murdering innocent people, becoming the monster that you wanted John to protect us from."

The man stopped and seemed to be thinking about this for a moment. As he stared at Spencer and JJ, he looked over the two and took in the injuries that he had caused.

Spencer had two bruises on his face from a couple days ago, bruises around his throat, a cut on his neck, blood coming from the side of his mouth and blood already soaking through the bullet proof vest and his shirt from his side. Underneath his clothing he had several more injuries; cuts on his back, bruises that were slowly forming on his abdomen and an unseen bump on his head from a couple days ago.

JJ had cuts on her hand, bruises on her face and underneath her clothing she had bruises on her back and stomach, as well as her upper arms.

The man looked at his two living victims and suddenly realized what he had done. He had attacked two innocent people; Spencer had wanted to be free from the CIA life and he had tracked him down and done this to him, and the woman he loved who had nothing whatsoever to do with the situation.

Tears began rolling down the man's face and he fell to his knees, putting his head into his hands and beginning to sob uncontrollable.

JJ looked at Spencer with surprise at their assailants change in demeanour. Was it a trick?

"I was only trying to do what's right... I just wanted John to understand... I never wanted to kill anybody, but I couldn't resist the desire to and I thought it was okay if it was proving a point... I've killed so many people... I'm sorry, I never wanted to hurt you..."

He sounded sincere as he sobbed, but Spencer knew better than to let his guard down.

JJ watched and waited for Spencer's instructions, "get the handcuffs from the table."

Spencer finally said as he kept his gun pointed at the man. JJ started walking towards the table, passing the man as she did so.

"There's no way out of this, is there Dr. Reid? I'm going to prison for the rest of my life..."

"Yes, you are," Spencer answered.

"They won't really make a deal with me, will they?"

"No, probably not. You've killed too many people, but they may not give you the death penalty."

"I'd prefer the death penalty... will you kill me Agent Reid?"

Spencer was surprised by this request. It was obvious to him that the man had finally grown tired of fighting, and wanted to die.

"No, I don't believe you deserve to die," Spencer said sincerely, "you'll go to prison for your crimes the way you should. Listen, I really do understand why you did this. I'm trained to understand, and I understand why you're angry at John, but this wasn't right. Now, you need to pay for y-"

"For twenty seven years I've been doing this. I swore I'd never fail, that no one would ever get away and I wouldn't end up in prison for the rest of my life. I'm a coward Agent Reid, I'd rather die and if you won't kill me then I have no choice, but to make you."

JJ had gotten the handcuffs and had been cautiously walking back to Spencer, but the man got up from his knees unexpectedly and pulled out the knife that had been forgotten during the struggle for the gun.

The man grabbed JJ and raised the knife, and without thinking, Spencer pulled the trigger.


	16. Chapter 16 - Apologies, Love & Death

" _This is done," Spencer said, as he turned around to face the man with the gun in his hand and JJ holding onto his arm as she stood behind him._

 _The man had started standing up weakly, "no, it can't end like this."_

" _Please, I don't want it to end with you dying. I understand how angry and hurt you are. I can't deny that I was angry with John myself for not protecting me, but this isn't the answer. You've been murdering innocent people, becoming the monster that you wanted John to protect us from."_

 _Tears had begun to run down the man's face, and he fell to his knees with his face in his hands._

" _I was only trying to do what's right. I just wanted John to understand, I never wanted to kill anybody, but I couldn't resist the desire to and I thought it was okay if it was proving a point. I've killed so many people," he sobbed and JJ looked at Spencer with surprise as Spencer kept his gun trained on the sobbing murderer in front of them, "I'm sorry, I never wanted to hurt you..."_

" _Get the handcuffs from the table," Spencer told JJ and she obeyed, passing the man as she did so._

" _There's no way out of this, is there Dr. Reid? I'm going to prison for the rest of my life..."_

" _Yes, you are."_

" _They won't really make a deal with me, will they?"_

" _No, probably not. You've killed too many people, but they may not give you the death penalty."_

" _I'd prefer the death penalty, will you kill me Agent Reid?"_

" _No, I don't believe you deserve to die. You'll go to prison for your crimes the way you should. Listen, I really do understand why you did this. I'm trained to understand, and I understand why you're angry at John, but this wasn't right. Now, you need to pay for y-"_

" _For twenty seven years I've been doing this. I swore I'd never fail, that no one would ever get away and I wouldn't end up in prison for the rest of my life. I'm a coward Agent Reid, I'd rather die and if you won't kill me then I have no choice, but to make you."_

 _JJ had been cautiously walking past the man with the handcuffs in her hands when the man stood up quickly and pulled out the knife that had been forgotten during the struggle for the gun._

 _The man grabbed her and raised the knife, and without thinking, Spencer pulled the trigger._

The shot rang out and JJ screamed as the knife fell from the man's hand and he fell to the ground, dead.

"JJ!" Spencer dropped the gun and ran over to her, wrapping his arms around her.

"Spence," she returned the embrace and buried her face in his neck.

He noticed that her face was wet with tears and he held her tighter for several moments.

"Let me see you," Spencer said when he finally pulled away and gently held her face, looking at it.

She was bruised and beaten, but otherwise unharmed as he had pulled the trigger so fast that the man hadn't had the time to actually stab her.

"I'm okay, it's you that I'm worried about," she reassured him.

He smiled, "I'll be just fine, now that I'm here and you're safe."

"I'm safe because of you Spence. You saved me, I thought he was going to kill me."

She started sobbing despite her best efforts to keep it together and he pulled her back into his arms.

"I wouldn't have let him kill you JJ, that's why I came here. I left because I thought that would be safest for all of you, but I came back when I realized that I needed you. When I went to the apartment and found out what had happened to you, I was so scared. I thought that I was going to lose you and I-"

His voice broke, and he knew couldn't keep talking or else he would fall apart. The entire experience had been traumatizing, as if either of them needed anything else to torment their dreams. Despite this, Spencer knew that everything truly would be okay. They were both safe and alive, and that's all that mattered. They'd get through this, and they'd get through it together. If she could forgive him.

"I'm so sorry," Spencer's voice shook and she looked up at him with a perplexed look.

"Why are you sorry? You saved me, and you did it all alone. I'm alive because of you, we both are so-"

"I left you, because I thought you'd be safer, but I was so wrong. Please, believe me JJ, I never thought-"

"Spence, I already know that you were trying to protect me," she said firmly, "you came back and that's all that matters. It's not your fault, none of this is your fault."

He smiled, but it was a smile that didn't quite meet his eyes and he pulled away from her.

This small little action was a stab in JJ's heart. She knew that he believe it was his fault, and would continue to believe that, but she promised herself that she'd make sure he knew the truth. She wasn't going to make the same mistake that she did after Hankel, where she almost expected him to okay and didn't realize how much he was still hurting. She would notice this time, and she would comfort him the way he had always comforted her.

Spencer had walked over to the table and had picked up his phone. He put the battery back in and waited for it to turn back on. It only took a few moments and once everything loaded he noticed that it had been Derek that had called him when he arrived at the warehouse. He knew that the team were at Headquarters worrying about them. They had been calling him while he was on the way to the warehouse too, and he knew that they knew that the worst had happened. They would have gone to check on them hours ago, and found JJ's apartment in disarray.

He sighed, knowing how they were worried sick for their safest and also knowing how upset they'd be at him for not following protocol. However, he knew they'd understand why he hadn't returned to them and would just be happy that they were alive and safe.

Derek had spent the last couple hours pacing around the conference room angrily. Emily, Hotch and Rossi sat at the conference table, while Penelope was in her office. She had spent the last couple hours trying to trace Spencer's phone whenever Derek called it, but he had never answered and just a couple minutes before midnight they had realized that he had shut it off. This only heightened their anxiety.

Hotch had finally gotten John to send the files over, after demanding to talk to the CIA director directly. The team had found out that Spencer had gone to see John before returning, and John seemed to already have known that he had been attacked the other day. However, he hadn't known what had happened after Spencer had left the CIA building. He had apologized for the entire situation and had asked to be notified of what happened, no matter the outcome. He had also said that he'd see if he had extra agents to send over to help them, but that hadn't been necessary.

Once they had those files in hand and with JJ and Spencer's lives on the line, they had quickly discovered who the man was. Despite having a name, they had still been unable to find out where he had taken JJ. His name was Michael Johnson, and they quickly put together his profile and had his bank accounts and phone numbers traced. However, Michael hadn't used his real name to rent the storage unit and had paid in cash. It was well past midnight, and the team hadn't been able to find any connections to help them find JJ and Spencer. They felt useless as they worked, as if all they could do was hope.

They were filled with relief and fear when Derek's phone suddenly rang, and he pulled his phone out of his pocket quickly. Informing the others that it was Spencer, they all held their breath hoping that it was him and not Michael making his signature call. Though they knew, that Michael would most likely call Hotch since he was the leader of the team.

"Hello," Derek tried to keep the fear out of his voice.

"Morgan, it's alright," Spencer replied gently, "I'm fine, and so is JJ."

Derek sighed, and the team knew by the smile on his face that it was Spencer, who sounded a bit breathless.

"We're at 100 Potamac Avenue, it's a warehouse by the river. He's dead and we're safe, but my gun shot wound got reopened and I'm losing a lot of blood. JJ's got several minor injuries, but I-"

"Pretty boy, slow down! We're on our way and an ambulance is on it's way. Just calm down, and try to keep pressure on it if you can. Can I speak to JJ? If you're losing blood you need to sit down and rest."

Emily had already left the conference room to tell Penelope and the three men were already heading down to leave the office and get to the warehouse.

Spencer and JJ were outside of the warehouse, sitting against the warehouse wall. She had her hand pressed against his side and she took the phone from him, knowing that she was in a better state to talk.

"Morgan, I'm fine and despite what Spence thinks I don't think anything's broken. Just get an ambulance out here for him. He's losing a lot of blood-"

"The ambulance has already been called JJ, and we're already on our way."

She smiled and turned to Spencer who had gotten quiet in the last few seconds, "Spence?"

Blood had soaked through the bullet proof vest and had covered her hand. During the attack and immediately after, they hadn't noticed how much blood he had lost and Spencer hadn't felt the effects because he had been so full of adrenaline. However now, Spencer looked tired and sick and had started sweating profusely despite the fact that his skin felt cold from what JJ had thought had been the cold air. However, his skin was clammy and even in the darkness she could tell by the glow from the streetlights that he was getting pale. She knew what was happening immediately, and she was fearful.

"He's lost too much blood!" She told him frantically, pushing harder onto his side to stop the bleeding, "I think he's going into hypovolemic shock!"

"He'll be fine," Derek tried calming her as they raced down the road, "just keep pressure and try to keep him conscious. Speak to him and if he doesn't have a head or neck injury, get him to lay down."

She put the phone down and did as she was told. Derek and Emily drove in one van while Hotch and Rossi had gone in another. Within only a few minutes JJ could hear the ambulance and FBI sirens.

Spencer felt himself drifting again, and JJ leaned over him with her face full of concern and love.

"I love you," he said and she laughed, tears rolling down her face.

"I love you too, you're going to be okay. The ambulance is almost hear, can you hear it?"

He couldn't, and as he drifted into unconsciousness all he could think was how even if he didn't wake up, at least she was alive and safe. And at least, he had gotten to tell her that he loved her, and had heard those words in return.

 _ **So, what do you guys think? I hope that you guys enjoyed this chapter, and if you want go ahead and review! One more chapter and then an epilogue! Next chapter will be out in a few days!**_


	17. Chapter 17 - Waiting, Thinking & Loving

JJ still had one hand against Spencer's side as she waved the ambulance over. The team weren't far behind and despite Derek being the one that usually rode in the ambulance with him when something went wrong, Derek knew that JJ was the one that now belonged by his side. So, he and Emily drove behind the ambulance and met Penelope at the hospital. While Hotch and Rossi stayed behind to tie everything up, before also heading over to the hospital.

Spencer was taken to the OR immediately and the team took their places in the waiting room, similar to how they had before. JJ had been forced by Hotch to get checked out and after a couple hours with the doctor and some x-rays, she had been cleared with no serious injury. She was given pain medication and told to go home and rest, but she had stayed in the waiting room the entire night anyway.

It had taken hours to finally get word about Spencer, with his injury reopened the doctors had a lot more work to do to repair the damage. The longer the team were there the more anxious they got, but they also knew that if they were still working on him that meant he was still alive. Finally, after hours in surgery the doctor came out to greet the team.

"You're here for Dr. Reid, right?" He asked when he came out, looking tired but happy.

"Yes, is he alright?" JJ was the first to rush over to him.

The doctor looked at her and assumed that she was the girlfriend, as well as addressing the entire team.

"There was extensive damage the first time around and having it reopened only made that worst. However, thankfully the wound wasn't reopened too deeply or else he probably would have died before we had gotten there. We were able to stop the bleeding and repair everything, but the recovery will be hard," the doctor looked through the team, "who's the leader here?"

Hotch stepped forward and the doctor addressed him personally, "he shouldn't return to work for at least two weeks, and even after that I'd say to give him at least six weeks before putting him in the field."

Hotch nodded, "of course, so he's going to recover completely, right?"

"He will, but he'll be in a lot of pain for the next couple months. I have prescribed high pain medication-"

"Our pretty boy can't have narcotics," Derek interrupted.

"Is there an issue I should know about?" This doctor wasn't the same that had treated him before.

"Off the record, yes," Hotch answered, "is it possible to give him a medication that's not as strong?"

The doctor thought it over for a moment, "I suppose so, but he'll be in even more pain for a while."

"He can handle it, and we'll be there," Derek said.

The doctor nodded, "I'm sure you will be, all of you waited the entire time?"

He hadn't had to ask as he could tell by their tired faces and the incredulous look they were giving him, as if asking them that was a stupid and crazy question.

"It's good that he has a great support system to lean on, especially after such a traumatizing experience," the doctor continued, "I'd be sure to get him some help through therapy, at least until you can see how he's doing. And to make sure that 'the issue' doesn't resurface."

"There are therapists that we send agents to through the bureau, I'll see to it that they both see one," Hotch assured.

"That's good, I'm not sure when Dr. Reid will wake up, but two of you may go in and wait with him until then. The rest of you should go home and come back during visiting hours."

That was the last thing that the doctor said before leaving them, and nobody questioned who'd stay with him. JJ and Derek were shown to the recovery room and when they saw him they were shocked.

Spencer was hooked up to the heart monitor and also had multiple tubes hooked up to him, most of them they didn't know what they were for. However, they could tell that he had needed a blood transfusion as blood was being streamed into him from one of the tubes attached to his arm.

"Oh Spence," JJ sat on the side of the bed and touched the side of his face.

"He doesn't look so pretty right now," Derek joked, "but he'll recover from this. In all ways."

She looked over at him, "what if he relapses?"

"He won't, we won't let him. We're going to be there for him every step of the way. We won't let him go down that path, and we won't be ignorant like we were last time. I'm sure you'll be able to keep a closer eye on him too, now that it's official. I also want you to remember that I'm here for you too."

She smiled and looked back at Spencer, "We will be there for you, nothing else is going to happen."

Derek echoed that and they sat in silence for several minutes before JJ said, "he told me he loved me."

Derek smiled, "when was this?"

"When we were outside of the warehouse, just before the ambulance showed up and he lost consciousness."

"Did you say it back?"

"Of course I did, and I think he heard it," she sighed, "I can't believe that this is what it took to get us together."

"I'm sure it would have happened one way or another."

"I was dating Will, and I truly cared about him, but I knew that something was stopping me from fully being into it. I didn't know what it was, and I never even thought that it could be this."

"You two have been dancing around it for so long, and Reid didn't think it'd happen, especially after the baseball game. I know he kept hoping, it was so obvious from the beginning that he felt that way."

"I didn't feel that way for him back then," she said, "I almost wish that I had, then we could have had more time, but I saw him as a child. He was so young and I just wanted to protect him from the horrors we saw everyday because I knew, or at least I thought, that he had little experience."

"We all took him under our wing like that, and even knowing all this, I still feel the urge to protect him. I promised after Hankel I wouldn't let anyone hurt him again, and I know that's hard with this job, but he has become like the brother I always wanted. He has been my best friend, and I know he'll be okay."

"You don't think he'll be tempted to relapse again?"

"Maybe he will, but it won't matter," Derek told her, "we'll be right here throughout his recovery. I'm sure Penelope's already getting ready to take care of him while he recovers. Probably has bought out the entire gift shop."

JJ laughed, "yeah, probably. She's just going to fill Spence's apartment with stuffies and fluffy things."

"Yeah, pretty boy will love that."

The two of them continued speaking about how the team would help Spencer recover, while Derek also reminded her that he'd be there for her too. And she knew that was true, and Spencer would be there for her. She knew that despite everything that had happened, and everything that had been learned, the team would find a way to cope with this new reality.

Spencer hadn't lost anyone the way he had thought he would, and when he woke up, the team would help him build a new life away from the CIA and Michael. This time, they'd do it together.

It took two days for Spencer to wake up, and when he did he was as sore as the doctor had said he would be. Despite this, he was happy when he realized JJ sleeping in the chair beside his hospital bed. Apparently, she hadn't left his side and he didn't want to wake her up. He was content in just knowing she was still there, and he also wanted to think before he got bombarded by the team.

It was hard for him to wrap his brilliant mind around everything that had happened over the course of only a couple days. When JJ had put that file in his hands, he had thought his life was over. He had been sure that he would lose everything including her, and yet here she was sleeping in the chair beside him. He had gone back to his apartment, already having the intention to run like he had from the hospital. He had returned to CIA headquarters, only to be sent back to the team that he loved like family. He had gone to look for JJ with the intention of telling her that he was never leaving them again, and perhaps even, that he loved her. Nothing had gone the way he had thought, and when he finally got to tell her, he had been dying. He had been at peace with it, ready to die because he knew that she was safe and knew the truth. However, nothing had gone the way he thought it would, and for the most part he was thankful for that. He wished that he had gotten to JJ's apartment in time for her to not be attacked. He hated himself for the fact that she had to go through that. He looked over at her, and even in the dim light he could still see the bruises. They weren't as bad as they could have been.

'She could be dead,' a voice in his head said, and he shuddered at that possibility.

He remembered when Michael had gotten up from his knees, and he had known what he intended to do.

 _"_ _ _I'm a coward Agent Reid, I'd rather die and if you won't kill me then I have no choice, but to make you."__

Spencer had seen it coming while Michael was speaking and it had been then that he had noticed the forgotten knife beside Michael. He could have shot Michael before he rose and grabbed JJ, but something had stopped him. As if it would have been wrong for him to shoot Michael before he rose the knife. JJ hadn't had any time to realize what was happening as she stepped around Michael. She just felt him grab her and saw the fleeting gleam of silver striking down towards her chest.

Spencer could still hear the shot ringing in his head and he leaned back on the pillows and sighed. JJ's scream had followed, and that was a sound he never wanted to hear again. All he wanted to hear, were those words again;

 _"I love you too, you're going to..."_

He hadn't heard anything after that, but he slipped away knowing that she felt the same way and that was all he had to hear.

He looked over at her again, 'on second thought, I think I want to be bombarded by them.'

He whispered her name a few times, not really wanting to wake her either.

JJ stirred slowly, having not been too deep in sleep due to the uncomfortable chair she had spent the last two nights sleeping in. She had been told to go home, but she had wanted to be here when he woke up. She sat up before turning to look at him, and upon realized he was awake, she smiled widely.

"Spence!" She got off the chair and threw her arms around him, slightly awkwardly because of their positions, "how long have you been awake?"

"Just a couple minutes, just enough time to think," Spencer replied softly, and she pulled away sitting on the edge of the bed.

"Enough time to think about what?" She was worried that he had been thinking that it was his fault, or thinking about Dilaudid.

"Well," he answered slowly, "at first I wanted time before you guys started asking me questions and before Garcia attacked me with stuffed animals, but I really was thinking about everything that happened. I thought about when I pulled the trigger, but then I thought about you and when you said that you loved me and I wa-"

"I love you," JJ cut him off, with a gentle smile, "I love you, and I'll repeat it as much as you want."

Spencer smiled, "I wanted to hear it again, I wanted to know that it was real and not just me passing out and imaginin-"

"You weren't imagining things Spence," she interrupted again, "I love you too, I have for a long time."

Apparently the nurse had heard them talking because she came in and told them that she had called the doctor to notify him that Spencer was awake. She took his blood pressure, listened to his heartbeat and then left them alone again.

There was a silence between them for a couple moments before JJ said, "I want to hear it again too."

Spencer smiled, "I love you JJ."

She leaned forward, still sitting on the edge of his bed and trying carefully not to get tied up in any of the wires still attached to him. She leaned so close to him that he could feel her breath and his breath hitched slightly, anticipating what she was about to do. He hoped that she hadn't noticed, but she had.

She smiled, "I love you too Spence," she said before pressing her lips gently to his, just for a moment.

The doctor walked in as she had pulled away, and Spencer was smiling like a fool. He had wanted that for years. He had even thought about kissing her back during the baseball game. Though, if he had it probably would have just made things awkward due to it not being the right time.

Nine months ago when Spencer was abducted by Hankel, things had changed between them. They had felt it, but neither had done anything about it. Michael had been the final traumatizing push that had forced them together. While it would have been better to end up together another way, perhaps a way that was happier and more romantic, it didn't truly matter. They had been dancing around it for years, but that had come to an end and a new dance was beginning. The why and how didn't matter, all that mattered was that they were both alive, they were both safe and because they were together, happy.

The tubes and wires attached to Spencer were taken out, and when the hospital's visiting hours came around the team showed up like they always did. They were happy to find him awake and all of them noticed how JJ was holding his hand and smiling in a way that she never had.

"You'll need to tell us everything later," Emily and Penelope whispered to her, while Derek, Hotch and Rossi bombarded Spencer.

They asked him how he was feeling, and what had happened at the warehouse. Hotch reminded Spencer that he'd have to make an official report when he was released from the hospital and he knew this, but wasn't excited about it. They filled him in on what they had managed to find without him, and told him about how John had sent over the files upon finding out what happened to JJ.

Penelope swatted them away from him after several minutes, reminding them that he needed to rest not think about such terrible things. She told him that she had cleaned up his apartment, as well as JJ's and had even replaced their broken furniture. He had insisted that she hadn't needed to do that and that he'd pay her back, but she had insisted that he forget about it. There was no use fighting with her, Derek pointed out.

The team stayed with him during the entire day and Derek went and got Spencer food that was actually edible instead of the food the hospital was giving him.

"I think we should arrest them, for trying to poison you," he had joked, "I'll bring you a coffee too."

The hospital had insisted that Spencer spend another day or two and while he tried to argue with them about it, he had eventually relented. His only condition being that JJ went home and got some comfortable sleep. She did, but returned immediately at eight o' clock when the doors opened. Along with the rest of the team, who were refusing to leave him alone longer than they had to.

They were going to be there, every step of the way. No matter what the next few days, weeks and months had in store. They were a family, and they'd stick together.


	18. Chapter 18 - Epilogue: Moving On

November 3rd 2008 – One Year Later

It was the middle of the night; Spencer was laying in bed, but he wasn't sleeping. He had known that today would be hard and when he had gone to bed he had been proven right. Nightmares plagued him, and so he just laid awake waiting and wondering if he should just get up and go get some coffee. He had already been up for an hour and a half, and didn't think he would be able to return to sleep.

He looked at the alarm clock on the night table, 1:30am. He sighed, and after a couple moments he started worrying. He sat up slowly, trying his best not to wake up JJ who was sleeping peacefully beside him. He left the room and went into the one that used to be his study. It had been his quiet room, in his quiet little apartment that hadn't been so quiet during the last year.

Spencer didn't need to turn a light on because there was already a nightlight that was shining purple stars onto the ceiling, right above a crib in the center of the room. He smiled and walked over to it, looking inside.

'Oh thank God, you are breathing,' he thought as he saw the sleeping face of his newborn son.

He had read about all the statistics, and he knew that most babies that died from Sudden Infant Death Syndrome died between one month and one year of age. Most of these babies died before six months old. More boys died from SIDS than girls, and while he knew the likelihood was low, whenever his son went too long without crying he found himself like this. Leaning over his crib to insure he was alive, and of course he always was. He had found himself to be an anxious parent, which the team had already started teasing him for.

It had been like this for the last four days since JJ got home from the hospital. Their son was born six days ago on October 28th, and she had insisted on naming the boy Henry. The name was of Old German origin, Spencer had found out and it meant 'Home Leader.'

" _Alright, fine but I get to chose the next one," had been his reply._

 _She had beamed, as they hadn't spoken of having more, but was happy at the possibility._

JJ had discovered that she was pregnant six months after they officially got together that day at the hospital. She had been fifteen weeks pregnant when she had told Spencer and the team, having kept it to herself for a couple weeks. She had worried about telling Spencer, because she knew about his fear of passing down his mother's condition, as well as worrying about whether or not he'd be a good father. And he had been afraid, but also extraordinarily happy. He had written to his mother immediately to tell her and after a couple months, had even written to his father.

They hadn't meant to get pregnant, but they supposed they should have known that it would happen. After all, they weren't being necessarily smart about it. They had moved in together just short of three months after the attacks. They had told the team it was to help him recover, but he had already returned to work and was almost well enough to be put back into the field.

The team hadn't bought it and Derek had ruffled Spencer's brown hair, teasing him about wanting to get some lovin'. They had been happy for them, especially when they found out about the baby.

Spencer had dyed his hair back to its original color, and had decided to do so with Derek's helpful teasing. It had been on the way home from the hospital, and Derek had been the one driving him.

" _I don't know how I feel about the black hair on you pretty boy," He had started, with a teasing smile._

" _You don't like it?" Spencer had asked with an offended tone, starting their playful banter._

" _I just don't think I'll be able to get used to it. It's weird, makes me uncomfortable."_

" _I don't think I'll be able to get used to it either, let's stop and buy some hair dye. After all, I wouldn't want you to feel uncomfortable when I return to work in a couple weeks."_

 _Derek smiled at this, happy that his friend was determined to return so quickly._

" _I think I like the hair cut though. It looks like you joined a boy band."_

 _Spencer had groaned at this comment, "if that's the case, I'll grow it back out."_

He smiled at the memories, those were the tiny things that had kept him going, as well as clean.

It was at this time that the tiny boy moved, only slightly in the baby sleeper that he was wearing. Opening his eyes, he started to cry until he focused on Spencer's face. He blinked at his father, looking at him as if wondering why he was watching him sleep and when he would pick him up.

Spencer smiled before lifting his son out of the crib, "don't worry Henry, you don't have to cry."

He walked out of the room and over to the kitchen, grabbing a bottle that JJ had already prepared from the fridge and putting it in the microwave to heat it up. He cooed at Henry as he held him in his arms, rocking him and then laying on the couch to give him the bottle...

"One day he's going to roll right off you," Spencer jumped slightly, waking up and eventually focusing on JJ who was standing over them smiling.

He had fallen asleep with Henry on the couch, and it was now 7 o' clock. JJ sat down on the edge of the couch and leaned over to kiss Spencer. He returned the kiss, until they heard a noise from between them. Their son had woken up too, and she took him from Spencer with a smile, while he went to get ready for work.

It was Monday, and the team had thankfully had the weekend off. Hotch had given Spencer most of last week off too after Henry was born. Spencer thought that Hotch had done this as a way to make up for the fact that he had missed Henry's birth. They had been in Las Vegas working on a child abduction case, and JJ had gone into labor three weeks early.

"Are you sure that you even want to go to work today?" JJ asked, "Hotch said he'd understand if you-"

"I have to JJ," Spencer replied, as he grabbed his bag from the kitchen counter, "life doesn't just stop because of what day it is."

She walked him to the door and kissed him, still holding their son in her arms.

"Are you sure you'll be okay?" He asked.

She looked down at Henry, "yes, I'll be fine. I have him to take care of me today."

Spencer smiled, and gave them both another kiss before leaving. He hated leaving them, and he hated not having JJ at work with him. He had already started counting down the days until her maternity leave ended.

'Fourteen weeks,' he thought as he listened to Jordan asking Rossi about a case.

It wasn't that Spencer didn't like Jordan. It was just that he missed JJ, just like the rest of the team. The only one that seemed especially fond of Jordan was Derek, much to Emily's dismay.

JJ hadn't wanted to take maternity leave, but she knew that she had to for Henry. If only for a few months, until she was allowed to return to work. Hotch had told her she could get extra time, but she had insisted that wasn't what she wanted. She wasn't the type of woman that could stay at home, even though they had enough money with Spencer's income to do so. Everyone knew that she would return to work, and none of them could wait. Penelope and Emily missed her more than anyone.

That day had been simple enough, with only paperwork to worry about and no emergency case to run off to. This made Spencer incredibly happy, because he truly just wanted to return home. He had found that he loved being a father, and even loved the unofficial role of a husband that he had filled with JJ.

He had already finished his paperwork and leaned in his chair, smiling as he thought;

They had been together officially for almost a year, and in that year they had moved in together and had a child. He knew that the way they had done things hadn't been exactly "standard" or "traditional." His own parents for example, while they had separated (never officially gotten divorced) they had gotten married before having him. Diana had been twenty one years old and William had been a year older when Spencer had been born. They had been together for four years, married for only two. They had been young, but they had been in love and had done things "by the book."

JJ and Spencer were older, and had known each other for five years before they got together. Neither of them were necessarily religious or worried about convention. They were just happy to be together.

He reached into his pant pocket and held onto the small box that had been there all day. As if just ensuring that it was still there, before letting it go and leaning his arms on the desk. Derek seemed to realize that Spencer was deep in thought because he rolled his chair over in a childish sort of way and put his arms over his shoulders.

"How are you doing pretty boy?"

"Really well actually," Spencer replied with a smile.

"You look exhausted," Derek laughed, "it hasn't even officially been a week man."

"I had nightmares last night too," he admitted, "Henry only wakes up twice a night, typically."

This got him a sympathetic look from his friend, "nightmares are always hard, but normal during these times."

"At least the baby is letting you sleep," Emily added, as she had been listening.

"Yeah, but he scares me sometimes. Everyone says newborns wake up millions of times so, when he doesn't I get worried that he has just stopped breathing," Spencer told them.

"Why would he stop breathing?" She asked, giving him an incredulous look.

"Sudden Infant Death Syndrome, also known as Crib death. It's the leading cause of death among bab-"

"He found out about that while he was researching 'how to raise a child'," Derek cut in, "as if you can just learn that from reading a couple articles."

"It's the only that I kn-" Spencer started, before noticing Hotch coming down the stairs from his office.

He noticed the worried looks on their faces and gave a rare smile, "no case, I was just coming to tell you all to head home early."

Emily and Derek got up happily and started packing up. Spencer started putting his paperwork into his book bag, while Hotch stood near his desk waiting for the other two to say their goodbyes and leave the bullpen.

"Did you get it?" He asked once they were gone.

Spencer smiled, "yes, but I'm not showing anyone until it's on her."

Suddenly he was filled with insecurity, "Hotch, what if she says no? What if she never wanted to get-"

"She loves you Reid, I don't know how she feels about marriage, but I know that she loves you."

"What if it's too soon? Everything has been moving so fast this year. After Michael, getting together and moving in together just felt right. We wanted to make up for all the time we spent dancing around our feelings. All we wanted was each other. When Henry came along, it wasn't exactly planned but-"

"But it was amazing" Hotch finished for him, "and scary. You wondered how you'd make it work and if you'd be a good father. I remember when Haley found out that she was pregnant with Jack, we didn't exactly plan it either. With this job, you usually don't. I was happy, but it also scared me to death."

Spencer looked up at him, almost surprised that he seemed to be opening up. He supposed that he shouldn't have been since Hotch had opened up to him before, like when he had told him about Haley serving him with divorce papers. That had been almost a year ago, but Hotch had held onto the divorce papers for four months before officially signing them. She had already left him at that point, a month before Spencer and JJ got attacked. It had crushed him, but the team had been there. While Hotch was their boss, they were also family. He had always lead them, and he was trying to lead Spencer now.

"I worried about all the things I knew about child abductions and serial killers and how dangerous this job is. Not just because I was worried about getting killed on the job, but also because I worried about them ever getting hurt. I worried about if I'd be a good father, and if I could be a father with how mu-"

He stopped talking, and Spencer understood. It was still hard for him, to accept that Haley had taken Jack and left him. He was in as much pain as Spencer's mother had been when his father had left them.

"Reid, Haley and I were married for nearly ten years. Jack just turned three years old, and not a single day goes by that I don't miss them both. I was committed to my job and she knew this. She always said that was one of the things she loved most about me, but I made a terrible mistake. Don't do the same."

He nodded before standing up, putting his book bag across his shoulder.

"I understand Hotch, I know what you're trying to say and I'll try my best. I don't want to lose her, and I don't want to be like _him_."

He knew who Spencer was talking about and put his hand on his shoulder, "you won't be like your father Reid, you're better than that. You're better than both of us."

He gave him another rare smile before patting him on the back and leading him out of the bull pen, towards the elevator.

"Go home, and let me and Rossi know what she says."

"Rossi knows?"

"Of course, he knows! It has been written all over your face, remember that Rossi has experience too."

Spencer laughed, "yeah, I suppose he does. Three wives later and he thinks he's an expert."

"I've never said I'm an expert Spencer," Rossi had joined them in the elevator, smiling, "God knows that I've made mistakes in all of my marriages. Most of those mistakes were related to this job, but I've learned enough to teach you both. Don't put this job first, Henry and JJ come first. Remember that, and tomorrow night, celebration at my house!"

"I have to ask her first Rossi! And she has to say yes."

He thought about this and replied with another smile, "well if she says no you can come over for wine and drown your sorrows with us lowly 'bachelors.'"

Spencer rolled his eyes exaggeratedly and laughed. When they stepped out of the elevator the older men wished him luck and went their own way together. While Spencer headed home to JJ, and his son.

He was anxious, but excited. He wondered if he should get flowers, or just keep it simple and bring home dinner. He was thinking Chinese food because it was one of their favorites. The team always went out for Chinese food during cases.

After picking up the food he drove home, opting to not pick up flowers since he didn't want to seem _too_ cliché.

When Spencer walked in the door at 6 o' clock, it was quiet. JJ appeared at the door way and put her finger to her lips. He walked in slowly and put everything down on the counter. She had disappeared to the nursery, before she came back smiling and put her arms around him.

"I fell asleep with him on the couch," she said, "I just wanted to put him in his crib so we don't wake him."

"One day he's going to roll right off you," he mimicked her from earlier, before giving her a light kiss.

When he pulled away, she noticed the takeout, "what's with the special dinner?" She asked.

"Just felt like doing something for you, because I love you."

JJ smiled and brought the food over to the living room while he grabbed the plates.

She told him about her day while they ate and how Henry didn't fall back to sleep for an hour after he left.

"Apparently he's having separation anxiety."

"Separation anxiety doesn't usually start until eight to twelve months of age," Spencer said.

"Tell that to your son."

"It usually peaks between one to two years of age, thankfully you'll be with me at that time. So, the babysitter will have fun."

"You miss me already?" JJ smiled widely, as she rummaged around on the coffee table for their fortune cookies.

"Yes, I'm already counting the weeks until you come back," Spencer handed her the fortune cookies that he had in his pocket.

"What were they doing there?" She asked.

"I asked them for a special fortune cookie for you," he answered nervously, handing her one.

"Really?" She smiled at him, and then broke hers open.

JJ gasped and looked up at Spencer with wide eyes. He had been sitting there, holding his breath, while she took the silver ring out of broken fortune cookie.

She smiled at him, "what's this?"

He took it from her and got off the couch, onto one knee.

"JJ, I know we've only been dating for a year and everything has been going really fast, but we've been through Hell together, in and outside of the job. You have always been there for me, and I've loved you for years. I want to ask because I love you and I will for the rest of my life, will you marry me?"

"Yes!" She smiled, and her eyes were watery as he put the ring on her finger.

She pulled him back up onto the couch and threw her arms around him, kissing him hard. His brain was reeling as he had been so anxious that she would say no. He hadn't expected her to say yes, but he was thrilled and kissed her back with just as much vigor.

They laid on the couch together, with her laying on his chest admiring her ring and him just smiling and thinking about everything that had brought them to this point.

"November 3rd won't be an unhappy day for either of us anymore," JJ said, smiling at him.

"No, I suppose it won't be," Spencer replied, his arms still tight around her, "that was sort of the point."

"What if I had said no?" She teased.

"Then it would forever be a day of terror."

Spencer started cleaning up a couple minutes after this exchange, leaving JJ on the couch thinking.

"I know when I want to get married!" She called.

"You've picked a date already? You haven't even been wearing that for an hour-"

"February 7th, the next one of course, so we have time to plan," she had gotten off the couch and walked into the kitchen where he was watching the dishes.

He knew what that day was and he looked at her, surprised that she remembered.

"You remember?"

"I spent days worrying that I'd never see you again, of course I remember."

February 7th had been the day that Spencer had been abducted by Tobias Hankel, almost two years ago.

He wasn't looking at her anymore, despite feeling her eyes on him. His hands were still in the water, but were still as he thought about it.

"We'd have to get an indoor venue, right? It'd be too cold to do it outside."

She smiled and wrapped her arms around him, "is that a yes to February 7th?"

He nodded, "February 7th, 2010."

 ** _That's the epilogue done! I'm not sure if I should make it a two parter, perhaps add the teams reaction and maybe even the wedding day?_**

 ** _I was thinking I might make a one-shot of the wedding at a later date, but let me know what you'd rather have! I was also thinking about a sequel to release next year, around November. Let me know what you guys think in the reviews! If you guys want a sequel, I'll write one!_**

 ** _Thank you all for following, reviewing and enjoying my story! You guys gave me a lot of confidence with all the positive feedback._**

 ** _Thanks to Annajadekin that prompted this story, I hope you enjoyed it as well!_**

 ** _If anybody does want this to be a two parter, I'll release it in about two weeks! And if any of you want a one-shot, it'll be in February when the wedding is. Feel free to follow me so, you'll be alerted to this and the possible sequel._**

 ** _Thank you all again! And like always, feel free to go check out my other stories!_**


	19. Chapter 19 - Epilogue: The Celebration

**_Here's the last chapter! Warning, there's some intimate stuff at the end. Not anything graphic, or overly sexual._**

 ** _I will put a note at the end of the chapter as well. Enjoy!_**

Spencer woke up the next day and got ready for work as quietly as possible. JJ still slept beside him, happy and sated.

It was currently 7:30am and Spencer was exhausted, but also quite happy. The two of them had been up until half past midnight celebrating their engagement.

After getting dressed and having a cup of coffee, he went into the nursery to say goodbye to Henry before gently kissing his sleeping fiancee goodbye. He filled his travel mug with even more coffee and happily headed to work.

Everyone could tell when he strode into headquarters that he was in an extraordinarily good mood. In fact, they didn't think they had ever seen him in a better mood.

"What's got you feeling so good Pretty Boy?" Derek asked, rolling over from his desk.

Spencer sat down at his own desk and waited a couple moments before replying, as if to create more suspense for his impatient friend.

"JJ and I are engaged."

His friend smiled from ear to ear and patted him on the back, "congratulations man, I knew you had it in you! Only took several years, but you did it!"

Emily walked into the bullpen with a knowing smile, "are you two talking about the engagement?"

"How'd you know?!" Spencer asked her, as she leaned over his chair and put her arms around him in an embrace.

"JJ called last night and told us, of course!"

"I wanted to tell you guys..."

"Tell us what?" Jordan was passing by on her way to the conference room.

Apparently when Emily said _us_ she was only referring to her and Penelope.

"JJ and I are getting married next February," Spencer told her.

Jordan congratulated him, and Derek inquired about the date, "you already know?"

"Yeah, JJ wants it to be February 7th."

Hotch and Rossi walked up to the bullpens, able to tell by the excited tone of the team that JJ had accepted Spencer's proposal.

"That's the day you were kidnapped by Hankel." Hotch remembered.

"She figured since I made November 3rd a happy day by proposing that we should do the same for that day. We're doing it next February though to 'have time to plan.' I don't know why it takes so long to plan a wedding, but apparently it does. Probably all the st-"

"Watch it Reid, there are other ladies here," Rossi warned, "women don't like being told that big weddings are stupid. Or hearing anything close to complaining for that matter. I didn't learn that until after my third."

The other men laughed, while Jordan and Emily rolled their eyes. Jordan decided to leave the team alone to celebrate and silently went up the stairs to the conference room.

"Celebration at my house tonight, right Reid?" Rossi asked, "lots of food and wine!"

"Of course! As long as we don't get called away on a case," Spencer replied happily.

"Great!" Derek exclaimed, "a place with food and wine is always a place I want to be. Hey Emily, do you want to come with me?"

She seemed surprised by his asking because of his constant flirting with Jordan, "of course, do you want to meet there or pick me up?"

Spencer smiled as he listened to his friends talk between themselves; Emily and Derek spoke about tonight's arrangements. Then Derek continued to tell her about the new Saw movie that had been released almost two weeks ago, and how he had yet to go see it.

Hotch and Rossi were talking about what type of wine to open and what exactly to make for dinner. Or whether they should just order food or take the team out to celebrate.

Eventually they all got to work, filing paperwork and hoping they didn't get called away on a case. Surprisingly, they were lucky for a second day in a row and at five o'clock they were all allowed to go home. They decided to meet at Rossi's in two hours time.

When Spencer arrived home JJ was already ready and excited to take Henry out for the first time. She had her light winter coat on, and was putting Henry into a big one with little baby gloves and a hat. He looked quite snugged up, as if it was a blizzard out.

Spencer put his stuff on the counter like he usually did before saying, "it's only raining JJ, he doesn't need all of that."

"He's a baby Spence, you know from all your research that they get sick more easily-"

"Yeah, but we're going in a heated car. He's going to melt."

JJ smiled as she put their son into his carrier, before going over to Spencer and wrapping her arms around him.

"Only a week and we're already disagreeing over our son," she kissed him gently.

When he tried to pursue the kiss further she slapped him away and laughed, "we'll be late Spence!"

He made the type of comment that would surprise the rest of the team, but no longer surprised her. Before picking up the carrier and setting their son up in the car.

They drove to Rossi's with Spencer driving slower than he usually did, between the rain and the fact that their baby was in the car.

Driving home from the hospital had seemed to take forever to JJ, whether by his driving or just her excitement she hadn't known.

"There you guys are!" Derek was the one that had answered the door, and he took the carrier from Spencer.

"How's my favorite little prodigy doing?" He asked as he started taking Henry out.

"He may not be a genius Derek!" JJ laughed.

"Don't say that, I'm hoping that he'll be even smarter. Someone has to be smarter than Reid, might as well be this guy!"

Spencer smiled and followed after Derek, who hadn't given their son back as he walked into the kitchen holding him.

Emily and Penelope were in the kitchen; Emily immediately went over to look at JJ's ring, while Penelope opted to coo at Henry and give him a stuffed animal that was larger than he was.

"You can't carry this yet, but when you can you'll love it because it's from Auntie Penny!" She had said, as the little boy looked at her happily.

Rossi's home was open concept and the other two men were seated in the living room, speaking together. Spencer joined them while the others gushed over the baby.

"They aren't even giving him enough room to breath," he said with a smile.

"That little boy's going to have a big family!" Rossi handed Spencer a glass of wine.

"Yeah, more than what I had. I'm so thankful that he – that we have all of you guys."

"Has your father spoken to you since he was born?" Hotch asked sadly.

"I wrote to him when JJ told me she was pregnant, but he didn't write back. Then I wrote to him to let him know that JJ had the baby and he wrote back saying 'Congratulations.' I imagine he was still sore about what had just happened in Vegas."

Spencer sighed and shook his head remembering how stupid he had felt.

The two men looked at him with pity, and Derek joined them with Henry still in his arms.

"Well, Henry will have a better father than you had Pretty Boy. Are you inviting him to the wedding?"

"I think I should, but whether or not he shows up is his choice."

"Do you want him to show up?" Rossi asked, and Spencer thought for a moment.

"Yes, I really do. It would mean the world to me if he showed up."

A couple moments of silence passed, before Spencer turned to Hotch, "How's Jack?"

"He's good, I visited him during the weekend and he gave me his Christmas list. I told him 'Jack, Halloween just ended.' And he said 'yeah, but what if Santa's post man gets delayed.' Apparently Haley had been complaining about something of hers being late."

"He's very smart and he can't wait to start school next year. However, he's mostly focused on whether or not 'Santa' will get him the bike he wants."

"And will he?" Derek asked and Hotch nodded and gave a rare smile.

"It's already in the garage."

At that moment Henry started fussing in Derek's arms and he gave him over to Spencer.

"The best thing about babies is that I can always give them back to who they belong to."

"One day you won't have that luxury," Rossi said.

"Never! I'm never having kids of my own, I have too much fun being a bachelor."

"Wait five or eight years Morgan, you'll change your tone," Spencer told him.

"Never! It's never going to happen-"

The four men kept talking about families and life until the three ladies joined them.

They spoke about the wedding; JJ asked Penelope to be Maid Of Honor and Emily to be a bridesmaid. While Spencer of course asked Derek to be his best man.

They spoke about wedding planning, with the ladies mostly leading the conversation. The men looking at each other awkwardly and trying to follow what was being said.

"What's the difference between a bridal shower, a bridesmaids' party and a bachelorette party?" Spencer asked timidly.

Penelope rolled her eyes, while Derek gave him a warning look, "they celebrate different things Spencer!"

"But why do men only get a bachelor party? That's not exactly fair-" He said jokingly.

"I agree with that!" Derek exclaimed, "Pretty Boy should get a grooms shower and a best man's party!"

"Men don't do that Derek," Emily said, "you just want a chance to drink and get close to women."

He sounded offended as he stood up to say, "I resent that! I think it's sexist to assume to that a groom-"

"Oh shut up Morgan," Spencer pulled him back down.

"We'll have our own parties here if Reid wants," Rossi offered with a laugh.

"Sure, which I absolutely do! Are you pacified Morgan?"

"Yeah, actually," was the short response from his Best Man before he drank more wine.

"You're an idiot Morgan," Emily was giving him a look and Derek raised a glass to her.

"Maybe, but you love me anyway!"

"She certainly does," JJ put her arm around her friend, who had turned red.

"No, I don't!" She replied in an immature, but playful tone.

"I think Morgan has had enough wine!" Hotch said as a distraction from the awkward tension in the room, which Emily was thankful for.

"I haven't! I've been holding Henry most of the time, I've only had like… two glasses."

"Wine doesn't agree with Derek Rossi, you should know that after a year with us," Spencer took his friends wine glass, "you should have given him beer… or nothing."

Derek protested this, but stopped when dinner arrived shortly afterwards. He seemed to get less excited as he happily ate the pizza and chicken wings that Rossi had ordered.

Eventually Emily's face went back to it's regular color and everybody went from talking about the wedding and the baby, back to work and the cases that they had coming up.

"Even when we're celebrating something we end up talking about our job, doesn't that make us a little disturbed?" Emily asked.

Derek, who was the one sitting beside her was the one that answered, "I don' think so, we all care about our job and that's what makes us the best team that the BAU has, if I say so myself. The seven of us are great together, and we all have our own personal reasons for being here. We chose to be here – JJ you have to come back!"

He added after the surprising monologue that had them all smiling from ear to ear.

"It has only been a week!" JJ exclaimed, "besides I thought you were happy with me leaving Derek? Because it gives you more time with Jordan. By the way, where is she?"

"She said she didn't want to intrude," Rossi answered.

"You guys should make her feel more apart of the family. She has been trying very hard-"

"Derek makes her feel plenty part of the family for all of us," Emily said, somewhat bitterly.

Everyone noticed this, except for Derek.

JJ gave Emily a look that made her feel a little guilty. After all it wasn't Jordan's fault that he was more interested in her. Despite the fact that _they_ had been working together for almost two years now. Jordan didn't have to flirt with him so much though.

The team continued talking about the recent cases that they had solved, including the recent cases of The Blue Ridge Strangler and Mike Hicks. Spencer and JJ had to get up every once and a while to tend to Henry, and before any of them noticed it was late.

"Look at the time," Rossi exclaimed, "we come together to celebrate an engagement and we spend most of the time talking about murderers."

"That's how we celebrate Dave, haven't you gotten used to it by now?" Hotch asked with a smile.

"No Aaron, I guess I haven't. We've had very little to celebrate, aside from Henry's birth and of course, you two returning safely after what happened with Michael."

Spencer smiled, "definitely was an interesting way to start your return to the BAU, wasn't it Rossi?"

Rossi had just returned to the BAU from retirement, only a few weeks prior to Michael.

"I wanted to be of use, but none of us felt like we did much of anything. You're the one that saved JJ and yourself Reid. And you proved me wrong about you."

Spencer gave him a questioning look so the older man continued, "when I first met you I thought you were way too young to work for the BAU. You were only twenty six, and when I found out that you had already been working in the field for five years all I could think was 'what the Hell was Gideon thinking?' But I was wrong."

"We all felt that way when Pretty Boy first joined-" Derek started.

"Speak for yourself," JJ interrupted and Hotch agreed;

"I didn't have any doubts about Gideon's decision to bring Reid onto the team. I one hundred percent trusted his judgment. I knew there had to be something about him for Gideon to choose to bring a new recruit straight from the academy, with no experience."

"Well, what we thought was no experience," Hotch added as an afterthought, "if we had known that you had worked for the CIA – Well, none of us would have had any doubts."

Spencer smiled, "thanks Hotch, it means a lot to me to know that you had my back from the beginning."

He looked at Derek with a look that clearly said 'unlike you.' His friend could read this;

"I had your back Pretty Boy! I just-"

"Thought I was 'a punk kid that you didn't want to babysit around the field all day?'"

Derek sighed and everyone, but JJ and Hotch looked surprised.

"That's what you said?" Emily asked, looking between the two best friends with surprise.

Spencer was smiling while his older friend shook his head at him.

"You having an Eidetic memory may come in useful most of the time, but sometimes it's a pain in the ass. Get used to this JJ, he won't let you forget anything that you mess up!"

"Oh I know, I'll get used to it," she smiled and took a hold of his hand, "I'm with you for the rest of my life. I love you Spence."

She kissed Spencer gently and the rest of the team smiled.

Only Hotch seemed to notice the nervous look on his face when she pulled away.

Hotch found Spencer afterwards in the kitchen, having offered to clean up after their dishes since Rossi was nice enough to throw them the engagement party. It also gave him room and time to think and get his emotions under control.

"Reid, you're not going to be like him," Hotch said, coming up behind him and making him jump slightly.

Spencer didn't answer right away, as if trying to decide whether or not to pretend to be ignorant. He decided not, knowing he couldn't fool the older profiler. He turned away from the sink and leaned on the counter.

"I know, it's just being here – celebrating us getting married and talking about our jobs-"

"It's overwhelming? Makes you wonder if you can do it? We talked about this yesterday, you're better than him. Better than any of us, and no matter what happens I know that you two will work it out. There's an important difference between you and JJ and us."

Hotch was referring to himself and Rossi, and their failed marriages.

"JJ is just as dedicated to the job as you are. She understands the demands of this job, just as much as you do. That's why you two are different and that's how I know you two will be fine, no matter what happens. As for your fear of being your father, I know that-"

Spencer interrupted, "to be honest Hotch, I'm more worried about becoming my mother. I wouldn't be a good dad for Henry if I developed Schizophrenia. I wouldn't be a good husband either and JJ would leave me. The only difference would be that she'd take Henry with her."

"What's the statistic for you inheriting your mother's illness?"

"Considering the fact that I only have one parent with the disorder, about ten percent."

"That's not very high Reid," Hotch said, trying to reassure him.

Spencer sighed, "I know that, but it has always been my biggest fear, especially now that I have Henry. My mother had no business having a child and I shouldn't have been left with her. I know that I won't ever leave Henry, but the idea of losing my mind and losing them-"

They were interrupted by JJ coming into the kitchen, already wearing her coat and having put Henry in his carrier. The two men had been talking quietly so that the others couldn't hear.

"Hey Spence, are you ready to go? It's almost ten thirty, we should get Henry to bed."

He smiled at her and nodded, saying goodbye to Hotch before going into the living room to say goodbye to the others.

"See you tomorrow Pretty Boy!"

"You better bring Aspirin for him Reid, I imagine he'll need it!" Emily called, waving from beside Derek on the couch, "I'm going to drive him home."

Derek had had a couple more glasses of wine after supper, despite their discouragement.

Spencer smiled and told her that he would, while JJ made a comment about their two friends in a whisper behind him. This made him laugh and he wondered if she was right.

Penelope hugged the two goodbye and congratulated them again. Then decided to coo at Henry some more, while the two of them went to thank Rossi who had joined Hotch in the kitchen.

JJ drove them home since Spencer had had a couple glasses of wine. She hadn't had an Alcohol of course, since she was currently breastfeeding.

"What were you and Hotch talking about?" She asked.

"Just about my fears and worries."

"I hope you aren't having second thoughts already," JJ smiled and Spencer shook his head.

He grabbed her hand and kissed it, "I will never have second thoughts about you."

She beamed at this and tried to not get distracted by the romantic gesture, "I'm happy that you're opening up about your feelings. We were worried you'd shut down again."

"I probably would have, but you guys didn't let me," Spencer turned to look out of the window at the rain, still holding her hand, "I've found that it's very easy to open up to Hotch."

JJ glanced at him and still smiling said, "he seems to have almost taken Gideon's place."

"No, he hasn't," he replied with a small shake of his head, "nobody could take Gideon's place. I wish that I knew where he was so-"

Spencer fell silent, but she finished his sentence for him, "so we could invite him to the wedding?"

He didn't reply, but kept looking out the window intently as if getting lost in his thoughts. It was Henry that snapped him out of his mind, starting to fuss in his carrier.

"We're almost home Henry, then I'll give you a bottle and put you to bed."

Spencer turned slightly to reach into the backseat and gently took his son's hand. This calmed him, and the little boy's cries stopped as his father rubbed his hand gently.

When they got home JJ left him to tend to their son and went into their bedroom.

He got a bottle out of the fridge and put it into the microwave to heat it up.

"Let's get all these layers off of you," Spencer said, "your mother seemed to think that it was negative ten degrees out… oh, you're smelly too. Let's get you changed and in your sleeper."

Spencer took Henry to the nursery and put him on the changing table to change him.

After a couple minutes JJ brought the bottle from the microwave in as it had finished heating. She walked up behind him and ran her hands up his back.

"You almost done putting him to bed?" She asked, resting her chin on his shoulder.

Spencer lifted their son up and turned to her, his breath catching when he saw her.

She was wearing a silky blue nightgown that brought out the blue in her eyes. It was new and barely reached mid thigh. It was the first time since the second trimester of the pregnancy that he had seen her wearing lingerie. She was always beautiful but seeing her like this, after so long, was a surprise. A very good surprise for him and she smirked.

In the last year she had learned a lot about Spencer. And she loved the dumb look that only she could put on his face. It was this look that her genius fiancee was wearing now.

He took the bottle out of her hand and sat down in the chair with Henry.

"Come on Henry, after you finish your bottle it's bedtime. We want to go to bed too."

JJ left the nursery and returned to their bedroom to wait for Spencer.

Once their son was asleep he went into their bedroom quietly, expecting her to have fallen asleep but hoping that she hadn't.

Spencer walked up to the bed on the side that JJ was laying on. She heard him come in and moved to her knees, facing him as he stood beside the bed. She wrapped her arms around him and kissed him passionately.

"I've missed you," JJ told him in between breaths.

He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her closer. Eventually she pulled him down onto the bed and they laid together for a few minutes quietly, trying to catch their breath.

"I love you Jennifer Jareau," Spencer said, brushing her hair behind her ear, "I can't wait to marry you."

She smiled, "and I can't wait to be your wife."

He kissed her and she sighed happily, "fifteen months can't come fast enough."

She moved to straddle him and started unbuttoning his shirt, "people rehearse their weddings, right? I think we should rehearse our wedding night."

Spencer put his hands on her hips, "are you sure? Aren't we supposed to wait six weeks before doing this?"

JJ thought for a moment as she ran her hands over his chest, "we have to wait to have 'intercourse' for six weeks, that's what Doctor Tran said. She didn't say that we couldn't do _everything_ else."

She kissed him again before he got a chance to rely, continuing to run her hands over his chest.

They laid beside each other later, smiling with their arms around each other.

JJ pulled the comforter over her, and snuggled closer to Spencer, "that was amazing."

"That doesn't even cut it," he wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her even closer, "I missed this."

She laid one of her hands on his chest and closed her eyes, completely content and feeling extraordinarily happy.

"I love you Jennifer Jareau."

He could feel her smile against his chest, "I love you too Doctor / Agent Spencer Reid. I can't wait to marry you."

"I actually agree with you," he said, "I'm excited for our wedding day, just not the planning of it."

"|I'm so happy that we're together and that you're safe and we have Henry – Look at me, getting all sentimental and cliché-"

JJ put her finger on his lips, "I love you Spence, I will always love you. We're safe because of you, and I don't care if you're a genius, a special agent or a CIA agent – I never cared about that. I just wanted you to trust us, especially me. I just wanted you to come home, and you did."

She kissed him softly, and before deepening the kiss she said, "you're nothing more or less to me than Spencer Reid, the man that I'm going to love with my whole heart, for the rest of my life."

He smiled into the kiss, "I will always love you too. You're the one that saved me too, you know that right? I wouldn't have come home if it wasn't for you. You're the one that I couldn't bear leaving – Running away wasn't an option anymore. That's why I came back, for you JJ."

She felt like crying, but it wasn't tears of sadness or pain. Rather, tears of joy and the sentimental words got to her. She laid back on his chest and pulled his arm around her shoulders, kissing his hand.

"February 7th, how many days is that?"

Spencer only thought for a moment before answering, "four hundred and sixty days."

"How much do you think can happen between now and then?"

"Tons, especially with this job, but you and I will get through anything together."

"No running?" JJ asked, looking up at him with a smile.

Spencer kissed the top of her head, "no more running. I'm not leaving you and Henry, no matter what."

 ** _Thank you for reading my story! I hope you all enjoyed it; I will be writing a One Shot for a wedding, as well as a sequel!_**

 ** _If you guys are interested please, follow me so you get updated. The wedding will be released in February, and the sequel will be released next November. I'll be marking this story as complete, and once again I really hope you guys all enjoyed. As always, feel free to review!_**

 ** _I will be focusing more on my other stories for now; If you're interested check out my other Criminal Minds story (also Reid centric) as well as my Harry Potter & The Prophecy (if you're a Harry Potter fan of course) I'll also be working on a Game of Thrones story to be released in April! _**

**_Thank you again to all the people that followed, reviewed and favorited my story. As well as the people who have checked out my other stories and followed me! I appreciate all of you, and you give me the confidence I need to write these stories. I really, really, really apprecitate it!_**

 ** _This story was a prompt by Annajadekin: I really hope you enjoyed this story! Thanks for the wonderful idea!_**


	20. Update from the author!

_Hello everyone!_

 _I'm happy to announce that the One-Shot wedding sequel is up and ready to be read! I'll be releasing about five to fix chapters pertaining to the wedding. And I hope you enjoy it; I have been very excited to write it, and I'm also very excited to write the sequel for you guys!_

 _If you're new to this story and have yet to follow, feel free to do so if you want to be alerted when the sequel's released in November!_

 _I also write other stories for Criminal Minds, as well as Harry Potter and a new Game Of Thrones story that I'll be releasing shortly!_

 _Thank you to all my followers and readers, and of course to Annajadekin who was the one who prompted this story!_

 _~ Alessa Belle_


End file.
